Man Claimed God Told Him To Steal A New Dodge

From the Lame Excuse File:

A Lexington, Kentucky man smashed a window at a local Dodge Dealership with the intent to get his hands on a brand new Dodge Charger. Fortunately, a security guard put the brakes on the 36-year-old man's plan, before he could take off on the unauthorized test drive.

What excuse do you suppose he used to explain his actions to police?

When officers arrived, he told them that God had spoken to him, and ordered him to steal a 2009 Dodge Charger.

When asked his name, the man told local law enforcement that he was "Seven".

The man faces charges including criminal mischief...

And he is awarded the "Lame Excuse of the Month" Award from Fileunderi.




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Man In Stolen Miniskirt Wanted To Impress Wife

A Minnesota man was ticketed for walking out of a store wearing a stolen miniskirt and bikini to impress his wife.

According to the River Falls Journal, police said workers caught Justin Larson leaving Shopko in River Falls wearing the women's clothing on Sunday.

Police said they also found a bra and a bikini top in his pocket, as well.

Investigators said Larson told them he took the clothes to smooth things over with his estranged wife.

Police handed him a citation for shoplifting.

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Woman Spanks Stranger's Toddler In A Cincinnati Store

CINCINNATI — A woman took a stranger's toddler son over her knee and spanked him three times inside a store after he said something that annoyed her, police said Wednesday.

Gloria Ballard was arrested on an assault charge in the Tuesday incident. In a court appearance Wednesday, she asked for a public defender and a not guilty plea was entered for her. She was also ordered to stay away from 2-year-old Sean Goode and his mother, Donnay Jones.

Read More At FoxNews.com


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Man Prank Calls 911- Police Arrest Him For Rape

Once again folks...cell phone calls can be traced. We repeat...cell phone calls can be traced.

MOBILE, Ala. — An 18-year-old man who police say made a prank phone call about a shooting has been arrested for statutory rape.

David Wayne McCarn II of Bay Minette was charged Friday with second-degree rape and rendering a false alarm. He was being held in the Baldwin County Corrections Center on $11,000 bail.

Read the rest of the story at FoxNews.com


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Students Try To Steal Giant Chili Pepper From Chilis Rooftop

Four people were arrested on Sunday after attempting to steal a giant chili pepper from atop a Chili's Grill and Bar in Vermont.

Triggered by an alarm, cops arrived at the Chili's in Bennington, Vt., around 4:30 a.m. on Sunday to find Asher Woodworth, 23, on the roof. He had been removing the bolts that held the red and green chili pepper in place with a hacksaw and a power drill.

Read the rest of the story at Asylum.com


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And The Bizarre Robbery Disguise Award Goes To...

A group of robbers in the Tampa,Florida area.

How bizarre are their disguises?

One of them came to the robbery with a child's car seat on his head.

Is that bizarre enough?

TAMPA — Whatever happened to ski masks?

Detectives are searching for a group of robbers with a flair for costuming, according to a release from the Tampa Police Department.

The men have stormed into three north Tampa pawnshops in the last three weeks with creative masks. In one case, one of them was wearing a child safety seat on his head. They've also donned hospital scrubs, and in another case they wore beautician's hair-washing sinks on their heads.

Read the rest of the story at TampaBay.com


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Man Beats Ex Girlfriend With Flip-Flop

PORTSMOUTH — A Portsmouth man has pleaded guilty to four charges relating to an incident in which police say he beat his ex-girlfriend with a flip-flop, bit her on the ear and was seen dragging her down the street by her hair.

Read the rest of the story at Fosters.com



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Robber Returned To Ask Victim For A Date

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Police said they arrested a suspected robber on Sunday after he returned to his victim's home to ask her out on a date.

According to investigators, Stephfon Bennett was one of three men who robbed a couple on the city's north side late Sunday night, 10TV News reported.

Read The Rest Of The Story On WBNS10TV.Com


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Girl Poses As 71-Year-Old To Save On Tuition

Girl Poses As 71-Year-Old To Save On Tuition


PALM BEACH GARDENS, Fla. -- Police said a Florida Atlantic University student posed as an elderly woman to save on tuition.

FAU police have filed criminal charges against former student Patricia Brandao. Police said she used the used the Social Security number of a 71-year-old woman.


Read the rest of the Story at WSBTV.com

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Facing 1.2 Million Years In Prison, Child Pornographer Gets 40

Now this is what we call a plea bargain...

Yesterday, Larry Douglas Smith, 41, pleaded guilty in Oconee County (South Carolina) court to three counts of sexual exploitation of a minor and one count of criminal sexual conduct with a minor. The former high school janitor got off lightly it seems, having been sentenced to four consecutive 10-year prison terms.

Read the rest of the story at Failuremag.com


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Burglar Leaves His Dog At The Scene Of The Crime

Police say an absent-minded criminal accidentally left his pet pooch behind at a bungled burglary.

Officers in Gateshead had been called out to an infant school where a local resident had heard banging, when they found the Jack Russell terrier.

The dog - named Bobby by the bobbies - was inside the school and police think it's owner fled when the school's alarm was triggered

Read More At NewsLite


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Man Slaps Crying Child At WalMart-But There Was A Small Problem

Roger Stephens, a 61-year-old Stone Mountain, Georgia man, slapped a child at a local WalMart Monday morning. Apparently, 2-year-old Paige was crying and wouldn't stop. Roger thought his 4 or 5 slaps across the face might do the trick.

Unfortunately, Roger now faces big trouble. Not only did he slap a two-year-old repeatedly across the face in public...the child wasn't his. She was a COMPLETE STRANGER.

According to authorities, Roger came upon a crying Paige and her mother. Roger told the mother, "If you don't shut that baby up I will shut her up for you." When the mother didn't shut Paige up, Roger sprung into action, slapping Paige across the face. Four or Five times.

And the aftermath of this little incident?

Paige didn't stop crying. She cried louder and added a little screaming to her repertoire.

Roger told the mother,"See, I told you I would shut her up."

The authorities were called.

Roger was arrested for felony cruelty to children.

Paige has a little redness on her face from Roger's slaps.

And so ends another day at the "Home of Always Lowlifes. Always.".


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Teacher Accused Of Selling Grades For $1400

Teacher Accused Of Selling Grades For $1400

TRENTON, N.J. — A New Jersey social studies teacher has been charged with accepting cash from students looking to improve their grades.

Thirty-year-old Megan Laboy is accused of collecting more than $1,400 from Colts Neck High School students.

The Rest Of The Story On FoxNews


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Stupid Criminals-A Garage Sale With Literally Anything For Sale

Wisconsin- A Racine County Metro Drug Unit agent went to 4549 Lora St. on Sunday, when David M. Neau, 25, held a rummage sale. The agent had been part of a long-term investigation into Neau's activities, according to court documents.

When the rummage sale started, the agent went up to Neau, saying he was new in town. After a short time, the agent reports Neau asked him if he needed "anything else" to buy. "(The agent) states that as the two looked at each other (the agent) understood his offer to potentially mean drugs for sale," the complaint reads.

Read the Whole Sordid Story HERE


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More Stupid Criminals- The Stimulus Check Sting

Authorities in Fort Lauderdale say they sent letters to fugitives offering them stimulus money. The suspects were asked to call a hot line and set up an appointment to pickup a check from an auditorium where "South Florida Stimulus Coalition" banners hung.

Read More At FoxNews.com

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A First Date Gone Bad-Dude, Where's My Car?

Do you have a bad first date story? See if it tops this one..

A Michigan woman went on a first date with 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy. It wasn't a blind date, she had met McCoy at a Detroit casino a week earlier. She knew him as "Chris". (Bad sign. Name he gave her and his real name don't match)

They exchanged cell phone numbers and he sent her his photo. They decided to have dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. She picked him up at drove him there.

When the bill arrived, McCoy told the woman his wallet must have fallen out and asked for the keys to her car. (Uh Oh)

He never returned.

When the woman finally went out to her car...it was gone too.

The woman contacted police, who identified McCoy from the photo he had sent her, and his phone number. (smooth move, "Chris". Another criminal mastermind uses his head)

McCoy is charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday.


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Another Ploy To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket Ends In Failure

56-year-old Scott Gibson of Rogersville, Tennessee is the proud winner of this month's Fileunderi Supreme Moron Award.

Mr. Gibson was clocked by local police going 66 mph in a 55 mph zone. He was sent a citation.

Rather than pay the ticket, like the rest of us poor slobs are prone to do, Mr. Gibson came up with a novel ruse:

He sent back a copy of the citation with a handwritten note, claiming he wasn't subject to local speed zones because...

Wait for it...

He was the Deputy Chief of the CIA.

Police contacted the CIA, and they responded that Gibson wasn't (and never was) an employee.

So, not only does Mr. Gibson face the $75 fine for speeding (which he would have had to pay regardless of employment with the CIA), he has been arrested and charged with criminal impersonation, AND he faces pending Federal charges.

Salute!


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Nuns Chase Down Armed Robber Help Police Handcuff Him

Don't mess with the Nuns...

It's a story that sounds like a movie plot, or even a joke. But, it's very serious. A pair of nuns chased down an armed robbery suspect and helped police put the handcuffs on him.

You can call it an act of God, or divine intervention. But, whatever you call it, one thing is clear: you don't mess with nuns from the Sisters of Saint Francis.

A typical morning at the Saint Francis of Holy Eucharist Convent at 24 Highway and Noland Road in Independence turned out to be anything but typical.

"We looked out window and saw someone in the bean field," said Sister Connie. "I thought it was someone hunting. He was dragging something with him."

Sister Connie soon realized the man was not on a mission from God.

"He kept coming across the field...I saw he had a gun in hands, what I thought was a rifle, and he dropped it in the field," said Sister Connie.

Not a man of the cloth, but a gun toting, tool wielding suspect who police think is responsible for two other burglaries in the area. Little did he know, his crime spree would soon be over.

"Sister Catrina started chasing him on foot," Sister Connie told us. Sister Catarina was just wearing flip flops on her feet. But, she took off after the man.

"I chased him behind the green house...I caught him again," said Sister Catarina.

Eventually he got away, but not for long. The story ended with the suspect in handcuffs.

"He could have harmed us and he didn't. Instead he chose to run, that tells me something about this young man," said Sister Connie.

When asked, the sisters said they hope the man will learn to change his ways after all of this. Of course, it's now up to the prosecutors office if charges will be filed.

From Fox4KC.com


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Brittney Mcgoldrick-Minnie Mouse Gets A Little Justice

The verdict is in and the Minnie Mouse groper has been sentenced.

To recap our story so far: 60 year old John William Moyer goes to Disney World and decides to grope Minnie Mouse (played by Brittney Duncan). Minnie pushes Moyer to the ground, Moyer is arrested, Moyer goes to court.

The verdict? Guilty.

After the guilty verdict, and before sentencing, Moyer had a character witness speak on his behalf. His witness? Moyer's adult son. Moyer's son had this to say, “He’s a good man.” and “He’s a nice guy.”

Well said.

And the sentence is...

Moyer has to write a letter of apology to the victim, Brittney Duncan McGoldrick. He also is under supervised probation for 180 days, must complete 50 hours of community service within four months, pay $1,000 in court costs and submit to a mental evaluation with treatment, if necessary.


Justice has been served.


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Trial Continues For Mouse-O-Phile

Just to keep you updated:

The trial continues for John William Moyer, 60, of Cressona, Pennsylvania.

Mr. Moyer is accused of groping Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World.

Ms. Mouse testified as follows:

"My first reaction I just pushed him down. I was doing everything I could to get his hands off my breasts,"

Minnie's significant other, Mickey, is currently in seclusion and unavailable for comment.

More details as they become available...


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