Man Buys Holster, Wishes He Had Left Gun In His Glovebox

From the "They Didn't Cover Holstering In The Conceal Carry Course" File:


An Indiana man was at Bill Goodman's Gun And Knife Show in Dayton Saturday and decided to purchase a holster for his handgun. The 50-year-old, a conceal carry permit holder, proudly took his new holster out to the parking lot, got in his car, and went to holster his gun...

And promptly shot himself.

The Indiana man was rushed to a nearby hospital, where sources say the bullet fatally wounded a finger on his left hand. They will not be able to reattach the finger.

Local police say they will not file any charges. The man was not identified, for obvious reasons.

Man Slaps Crying Child At WalMart-But There Was A Small Problem

Roger Stephens, a 61-year-old Stone Mountain, Georgia man, slapped a child at a local WalMart Monday morning. Apparently, 2-year-old Paige was crying and wouldn't stop. Roger thought his 4 or 5 slaps across the face might do the trick.

Unfortunately, Roger now faces big trouble. Not only did he slap a two-year-old repeatedly across the face in public...the child wasn't his. She was a COMPLETE STRANGER.

According to authorities, Roger came upon a crying Paige and her mother. Roger told the mother, "If you don't shut that baby up I will shut her up for you." When the mother didn't shut Paige up, Roger sprung into action, slapping Paige across the face. Four or Five times.

And the aftermath of this little incident?

Paige didn't stop crying. She cried louder and added a little screaming to her repertoire.

Roger told the mother,"See, I told you I would shut her up."

The authorities were called.

Roger was arrested for felony cruelty to children.

Paige has a little redness on her face from Roger's slaps.

And so ends another day at the "Home of Always Lowlifes. Always.".


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Former Miss California Carrie Prejean Sues Pageant Officials

Former Miss California Carrie Prejean Sues Pageant Officials

Carrie Prejean has filed a lawsuit against Miss California USA officials who stripped her of her title, accusing them of libel and religious discrimination for her views on same-sex marriage.

"We will make the case that her title was taken from her solely because of her support of traditional marriage," her attorney, Charles LiMandri, said in a news release.

The Rest Of The Story At CNN.Com


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More Stupid Criminals- The Stimulus Check Sting

Authorities in Fort Lauderdale say they sent letters to fugitives offering them stimulus money. The suspects were asked to call a hot line and set up an appointment to pickup a check from an auditorium where "South Florida Stimulus Coalition" banners hung.

Read More At FoxNews.com

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Kids Sue Mom For No Birthday Presents And Emotional Distress

It's the end of the month, and you know what that means...
Yes, it's time once again for the Fileunderi "Outrageously Frivolous Lawsuit of the Month Award".

While we realize that older generations have complained about younger generations since...well...there were older and younger generations, we believe this story takes the proverbial cake.

Two adult children are suing their biological mother for intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress that they say occurred over a period of more than 14 years.

Steven A. Miner II is 21 years old and Kathryn R. Miner is 18. Together, they are suing their mother Kimberly A. Garrity in a complaint that details years of alleged mistreatment, including the following:

Read the Rest of the story at Chicago Bar-Tender

Yes, we will shed a tear for these two before we retire for the evening...


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Another Ploy To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket Ends In Failure

56-year-old Scott Gibson of Rogersville, Tennessee is the proud winner of this month's Fileunderi Supreme Moron Award.

Mr. Gibson was clocked by local police going 66 mph in a 55 mph zone. He was sent a citation.

Rather than pay the ticket, like the rest of us poor slobs are prone to do, Mr. Gibson came up with a novel ruse:

He sent back a copy of the citation with a handwritten note, claiming he wasn't subject to local speed zones because...

Wait for it...

He was the Deputy Chief of the CIA.

Police contacted the CIA, and they responded that Gibson wasn't (and never was) an employee.

So, not only does Mr. Gibson face the $75 fine for speeding (which he would have had to pay regardless of employment with the CIA), he has been arrested and charged with criminal impersonation, AND he faces pending Federal charges.

Salute!


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Brittney Mcgoldrick-Minnie Mouse Gets A Little Justice

The verdict is in and the Minnie Mouse groper has been sentenced.

To recap our story so far: 60 year old John William Moyer goes to Disney World and decides to grope Minnie Mouse (played by Brittney Duncan). Minnie pushes Moyer to the ground, Moyer is arrested, Moyer goes to court.

The verdict? Guilty.

After the guilty verdict, and before sentencing, Moyer had a character witness speak on his behalf. His witness? Moyer's adult son. Moyer's son had this to say, “He’s a good man.” and “He’s a nice guy.”

Well said.

And the sentence is...

Moyer has to write a letter of apology to the victim, Brittney Duncan McGoldrick. He also is under supervised probation for 180 days, must complete 50 hours of community service within four months, pay $1,000 in court costs and submit to a mental evaluation with treatment, if necessary.


Justice has been served.


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Trial Continues For Mouse-O-Phile

Just to keep you updated:

The trial continues for John William Moyer, 60, of Cressona, Pennsylvania.

Mr. Moyer is accused of groping Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World.

Ms. Mouse testified as follows:

"My first reaction I just pushed him down. I was doing everything I could to get his hands off my breasts,"

Minnie's significant other, Mickey, is currently in seclusion and unavailable for comment.

More details as they become available...


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Tasers And Huffing Suspects Don't Mix Well

36 year old Ronald Mitchell of Australia has discovered yet another drawback of a gasoline sniffing habit.

When police were called to arrest Mr. Mitchell, rather than go quietly, he decided to run toward officers with a lighter and a container of gasoline in his hands. Police ordered him to stop. He kept coming. A quick thinking officer decided that the use of immediate deadly force wasn't necessary...so he pulled out his taser and gave Mr. Mitchell a good old fashioned taze.

Can you guess the result?

That's right, Mr. Sniffer burst into flames on the spot.

The quick thinking officer put out the flames with his hands. Mr. Mitchell is currently residing in a Perth hospital in critical condition with 3rd degree burns over 10 percent of his body. He is charged with assault to prevent arrest and possession of a sniffing substance.

On a side note, and 18-year-old woman at the residence decided to throw rocks at the officer as he put out the flames on Mr. Mitchell, causing minor injury. The woman was charged with two counts of assaulting an officer. The officer was treated for a cut to the head, via the rocks, and burns to the hands(self explanatory). Two other people at the house were charged with possession of a sniffing substance.

The officer was not suspended.

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Texting Boston Trolley Operator Faces Up To 3 Years In Prison

The Boston trolley operator who rear ended another trolley while texting his girlfriend faces up to 3 years in prison. Aiden Quinn pleaded not guilty today to charges of gross negligence.

Suffolk District Attorney Daniel F. Conley's office used a statute that is 135 years old to charge Quinn criminally, gross negligence by a person in control of a train. The statute has been seldom , if ever, used in Massachusetts courts.

James L Sultan, Quinn's current attorney, says that Quinn's "life has been shattered" because he is facing up to three years in prison and he has been fired from his job.

"He's doing his best to face the situation," Sultan said.

Sultan also said, "I think they picked the wrong statute to prosecute this individual."

Hmmm...so what's the story here?

On May 8 Quinn was typing on his cellphone, without looking at the track, while the train he was operating traveled for almost 600 feet through a tunnel, at about 25 miles per hour, running a yellow and a red light. When he finally looked up, his trolley was 8 feet from the rear of another trolley stopped on the tracks.

The end result of his texting his sweetie on the job?

3 trolleys destroyed, 9 million dollars in damage and 62 people injured. None of the injuries were life threatening, but one 28-year-old woman suffered a broken pelvis and may not walk again. A 19-year-old Salem woman suffered a concussion and broken vertebrae. A woman 5 months pregnant was injured, although there doesn't seem to be any complications due to the accident.

Our view? Most people in this country have trouble operating anything motorized when they are paying attention. Most people have a hard enough time just texting, let alone texting while trying to operate a motorized vehicle.

Give him the three years.

"Hang 'em High" Fileunderi

Former Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry Charged With Stalking

Speaking of wrecks, here's a story about a perpetual wreck, Former Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Police say former Washington Mayor Marion Barry has been arrested and charged with stalking a woman.

Read More of the Story at MyWay News


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Why Did The Ducklings Cross The Busy Interstate?

An Illinois man stopped on I-90/94/39 near Arlington on Friday morning to let some ducks cross the road and caused a pileup involving at least six cars, according to the Wisconsin State Patrol.

Read more at the Journal-Sentinal Online

We love animals as much as the next person, but this guy STOPPED on an Interstate for some ducks??


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How Do You Get Rid Of Weeds? Don't Try This Method At Home

A Tangstedt, Germany gardener was sick of weeds.

Sick,sick,sick.

So, he decided to take drastic measures. The defenseless weeds that kept attacking his hedges were slaughtered as the mad gardener wielded his new weapon of choice:

A flame thrower.

Within minutes, the enemy was vanquished.

Unfortunately, there was collateral damage. Allies had been hit by friendly fire.

His hedges were on fire. No problem, he would douse the flames with a garden hose. Nope. The fire spread to the garden shed. The garden hose couldn't stop the blaze here either. The fire spread to the roof of his house. The fire department was called.

Seven firemen were needed to put out the blaze. Police said the house was now uninhabitable.

At least the damn weeds are gone.

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After 13 Beers Mom Can't Recover Custody Of Kids

After 13 Beers Mom Can't Recover Custody Of Kids

A mother who drank 13 beers before a psychological evaluation failed to recover custody of her three young children despite claiming she wasn't drunk because she "can drink like a fish."

The woman wanted to get the children back from her husband's stepmother. The Arkansas Court of Appeals rejected her arguments Wednesday, citing addictions, frequent absences and criminal activity to support her habits. It said the woman made no meaningful efforts to restructure her life.

The children are ages 6, 4 and 4. The state took custody in 2007 when the woman's mother said she could no longer care for the children. Human Services workers later won an order declaring the children's mother unfit and want to see the children adopted.

From 4029TV.com


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What To Do While Being Tested For Your 6th DUI? Not This

Sunday evening Baraboo (Wisconsin) police officers were called to an apartment complex on Lake Street where a resident reported seeing someone driving in the parking lot who appeared to be impaired, court records state. Officers arrived to find a white Honda parked across two parking stalls and Phillips leaning against the car for balance.

An officer reported that her head was drooped and she didn’t appear alert, records state.

When asked to take field sobriety tests, Phillips refused, officers said. The also observed the key was in the ignition, the car’s hood was hot and it was registered to Phillips.

Read The Whole Story At WiscNews.com


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Couple Attacked By Potbellied Pig At Restaurant-File Suit

Couple Attacked By Potbellied Pig At Restaurant-File Suit

A diner at a gourmet Woodinville restaurant has filed suit against the business, claiming she was attacked there by a potbellied pig.

According to the complaint, the woman and her husband were taking a break between courses at the Herbfarm Restaurant on Jan. 11, 2008, when they wandered to the establishment's pigpen. Equipped with a restaurant-issued pan of pig food, the couple was hoping to feed the animals.

Read More of The Story At Seattlepi.com


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Driver Caught With Mannequin In HOV Lane

Driver Caught With Mannequin In HOV Lane

METRO VANCOUVER -- Two transit police officers found a female mannequin dressed in a grey hoody in the passenger seat of a car they pulled over Wednesday in the Highway 1 HOV lane in Burnaby.

The officers, who were driving back to their office on the highway about 3 p.m., made the startling discovery after getting a feeling something wasn't right about an eastbound Mercedes-Benz.

Read The Rest Of The Story At VancouverSun.com


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Kentucky Church To Hold A "Bring Your Gun To Church" Service

Bring Your Own Gun "Open Carry Church Service"

Fileunderi is wondering if the normal "Jesus Saves" motto has been thrown out at this church for "Jesus Shoots First and Asks Questions Later"?

From The Gawker:

In lieu of George Tiller being gunned down in a church, this blows the mind—-A Kentucky pastor is encouraging people to attend a service with guns in holsters, enter a raffle to win a free handgun, and be sermonized by operators of gun stores and firing ranges.

In what's being called an "Open Carry Church Service," Pastor Ken Pagano of New Bethel Church in Louisville (Yes this is actually happening in the state's most metropolitan city and not somewhere in the Appalachia!) says that he's just trying to "think outside the box" to grow his flock.

Read More Of The Story Here


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Pennsylvania Teen Expelled From Middle School For Having A "Weapon"

From the Fileunderi "Killing 'Em With Personal Hygiene" File:

A Pittsburgh-area school board voted 8 to 1 to uphold the expulsion of a 15 year old middle school student who was found to have a "weapon" in her handbag. The "weapon" was found after a random search.

The Linton Middle School girl will remain expelled for the remainder of the school year and the first 45 days of next year. She is eligible for home schooling assistance.

Oh yeah...and the weapon is?

An Eyebrow shaver.

The potential teenage slasher says she doesn't consider the eyebrow shaver to be a weapon. The Penn Hills School Board disagrees and says the personal care item is "essentially a razor".

Conveniently, one of the board members cut her finger on the device at a meeting Tuesday and required stitches.

And the beat goes on....


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Another Thing You Shouldn't Do On A High Voltage Power Line Tower

Here's another item to add to your list of things NOT to do on a high voltage power line tower:

Rappelling down the side of the tower.

Eugene Scott Duncan of West Virginia decided to try this the other day on the tower behind his house.

Would you care to guess the end result of his little adventure?

Yep, hit the power line and took a trip to the hospital. American Electric Power employees told police the line carries as much as 46,000 volts. Sounds like he was lucky his trip wasn't to the morgue. (Cause of Death: Stupidity)

Police may charge Duncan with trespassing on the line.


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