Truth of the Day

Breaking The Law On A Walmart Scooter

From our "Breaking the Law! Breaking the Law!" File:


How many laws do you think YOU can break on a Walmart scooter?

In order to outbreak Marcus Earl Degraphenreed from the great state of Indiana, you will have to break 5 laws on your Walmart scooter. Observe:

1. Mr. Degraphenreed (henceforth known as Mr. D) was initially pulled over in Indiana 35 because he was, well, on Indiana 35. On a motorized scooter.

2. Mr. D was going northbound on Indiana 35. I mention this because the traffic in his lane was headed southbound.

There's more...





3. Mr. D wasn't on just any old scooter, he was on a (you guessed it) Walmart scooter. When asked by the police where he got it from, Mr. D said, "I found it". Mr. D wouldn't elaborate, but we are just guessing here that he found it at his nearest Walmart.

4. We have saved the best for last. Police noticed that Mr. D was glassy eyed and disoriented. Could it be? Well, the police thought so, and arrested Mr. D on peliminary charges of driving (scootering?) under the influence, and theft. Mr. D was transported to a local hospital for a blood-alcohol test.

The scooter was returned to Walmart.


Your challenge, Fileunderi fans, is to break FIVE laws on a Walmart scooter. Please let us know how you did.

And send pics or a video...

Jennifer Lawrence Backstage Press Conference After 2013 Oscar Win (Video)

This is the video of Jennifer Lawrence backstage after her Oscar win for Best Actress 2013.

Other than the first question...well, they say there is no such thing as a stupid question, but this video proves otherwise. By the way, Jennifer ROCKS.

Man Buys Holster, Wishes He Had Left Gun In His Glovebox

From the "They Didn't Cover Holstering In The Conceal Carry Course" File:


An Indiana man was at Bill Goodman's Gun And Knife Show in Dayton Saturday and decided to purchase a holster for his handgun. The 50-year-old, a conceal carry permit holder, proudly took his new holster out to the parking lot, got in his car, and went to holster his gun...

And promptly shot himself.

The Indiana man was rushed to a nearby hospital, where sources say the bullet fatally wounded a finger on his left hand. They will not be able to reattach the finger.

Local police say they will not file any charges. The man was not identified, for obvious reasons.

It's A Duck's Life

Haha!

Do Not Call Group Fined For Illegal Phone Contacts

From our "The Left Hand Doesn't Know What The Right Is Doing" File:

Service Stream Solutions, which operates the Do Not Call List, has been fined $110,000 because another division made over 6,000 illegal calls to Melbourne, Australia citizens and trying to talk them into installing low-energy light bulbs, standby power controllers and low-flow showerheads.

When contacted by us, the CEO of Service Stream Solutions said, "Dang! My bad."

An Australian Communications and Media Authority investigation found the numbers were incorrectly included on a calling list during a 10-week campaign from November, 2011.

In addition to paying the fine, the company will review its calling list processes and give staff legal training.

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Hey Beer Man! Bear Family Consumes 100 Beers

From the "Do you prefer foreign or domestic?" File:

In beautiful Norway, a mama bear and her family of three cubs are suspected of breaking into a remote cabin and downing 100 or so beers. According to the cabin's owner, the contents of said cabin are absolutely trashed, and the bears TORE DOWN a cabin wall to gain access to the brew bounty.

Everything inside the cabin was smashed or destroyed, including the stove,oven,cupboards, shelves, and the beds. (no word on whether one of the beds was juuussst right.) The bear family also consumed any and all food in the cabin.

The owner of the cabin fears that the bears might return to the area.

No kidding?

Man Claimed God Told Him To Steal A New Dodge

From the Lame Excuse File:

A Lexington, Kentucky man smashed a window at a local Dodge Dealership with the intent to get his hands on a brand new Dodge Charger. Fortunately, a security guard put the brakes on the 36-year-old man's plan, before he could take off on the unauthorized test drive.

What excuse do you suppose he used to explain his actions to police?

When officers arrived, he told them that God had spoken to him, and ordered him to steal a 2009 Dodge Charger.

When asked his name, the man told local law enforcement that he was "Seven".

The man faces charges including criminal mischief...

And he is awarded the "Lame Excuse of the Month" Award from Fileunderi.




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Funny Cat Pics- Because Tuesday Is A Great Day For Funny Cats

Why would dog loving bloggers put funny cat pics on a dog loving blog?

Because Tuesday is a great day for funny cat pics.

Van Jones Resigns-Special Advisor for Green Jobs Goes Bye Bye

We love lists. Fileunderi maintains lists for everything, and one of our favorites is our "Morning Headlines That Don't Surprise Us List". We start a new one each year and edit the list as we go along. We now have a new Number One for 2009:

Van Jones Resigns

What? Really?

Frankly, we were going to add this headline to our list days ago, when we first read that it was disclosed that Van Jones said, "Republicans are assholes". As soon as we read that, it was over. We made a mental note, add "Van Jones Resigns" to our "Morning Headlines That Don't Surprise Us List".

(On a side note-Van Jones was right. Republicans ARE Assholes. So are Democrats, Independents,those soft hearted Greens, and Libertarians. Especially Libertarians.
Amazingly, 99% of those who are politically active and feel strongly about an issue tend to be assholes about it. You can look it up.)

Reactions on the Webosphere were swift and brutal:

From the Huffington Post-Glenn Beck Gets First Scalp: Van Jones Resigns

From The Gateway Pundit-GREEN CZAR VAN JONES RESIGNS!... Communist Leaves White House

(We LOVE that headline, don't you?)

Here are excerpts from Van Jones Resignation Statement:

"On the eve of historic fights for health care and clean energy, opponents of reform have mounted a vicious smear campaign against me," Jones, special adviser for green jobs at the White House Council on Environmental Quality, said in a statement announcing his resignation just after midnight Saturday. "They are using lies and distortions to distract and divide."

He continued: "I have been inundated with calls -- from across the political spectrum -- urging me to 'stay and fight.' But I came here to fight for others, not for myself. I cannot in good conscience ask my colleagues to expend precious time and energy defending or explaining my past. We need all hands on deck, fighting for the future."

And so, Van Jones will drift off into oblivion, and Mr. Obama will search for a new Green Jobs Czar

We would recommend that Mr. Obama searches YouTube as part of the vetting process, OR he could stop being a such a politician and tell the Republicans,"Well, you ARE assholes".


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Are you an Idiot that can't lose weight? It's okay, we are idiots too...and all of us have problems losing weight. Guess what?
There is a website for all us idiots. Really. Check out Fat Loss 4 Idiots by clicking HERE



Cook Yourself Thin Diet

People of Walmart Website-Fashion Faux Pas In Aisle Three!

We recently found the People of Walmart Website and immediately thought, "Why didn't we think of this?" How hard could it be to take pictures of our favorite people of Walmart, post those pics on a website, and get huge laughs from everyone that visits?

We thought the People of Walmart website was just our little secret, but no, millions of folks know about this website.

Funny thing is, we all laugh about the people who shop at Walmart, and yet, a vast majority of us shop there ourselves...the Fileunderi staff included.

But we, unlike many of you, always watch what we wear.

Check out The People Of Walmart Website HERE



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Are you an Idiot that can't lose weight? It's okay, we are idiots too...and all of us have problems losing weight. Guess what?
There is a website for all us idiots. Really. Check out Fat Loss 4 Idiots by clicking HERE


Cook Yourself Thin Diet

Why Did The Ducklings Cross The Busy Interstate?

An Illinois man stopped on I-90/94/39 near Arlington on Friday morning to let some ducks cross the road and caused a pileup involving at least six cars, according to the Wisconsin State Patrol.

Read more at the Journal-Sentinal Online

We love animals as much as the next person, but this guy STOPPED on an Interstate for some ducks??


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How Do You Get Rid Of Weeds? Don't Try This Method At Home

A Tangstedt, Germany gardener was sick of weeds.

Sick,sick,sick.

So, he decided to take drastic measures. The defenseless weeds that kept attacking his hedges were slaughtered as the mad gardener wielded his new weapon of choice:

A flame thrower.

Within minutes, the enemy was vanquished.

Unfortunately, there was collateral damage. Allies had been hit by friendly fire.

His hedges were on fire. No problem, he would douse the flames with a garden hose. Nope. The fire spread to the garden shed. The garden hose couldn't stop the blaze here either. The fire spread to the roof of his house. The fire department was called.

Seven firemen were needed to put out the blaze. Police said the house was now uninhabitable.

At least the damn weeds are gone.

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Texas Police Taser Church Pastor Pepper Spray Congregation

Texas Police Taser Church Pastor Pepper Spray Congregation

From the great state of Texas, where everything is bigger and law enforcement takes law enforcement seriously:

Webster,Texas Police used a Taser on a pastor and pepper spray to disperse his congregants Wednesday after the pastor allegedly interfered with a traffic stop in the church parking lot.

Congregants say they were in the Iglesia Profetica Peniel church for an early morning prayer when pastor Jose Elias Moran went to assist the stopped driver, a church member, by asking the police what had happened.

An incident report on the Webster police department's Web site said Officer Raymond Berryman tried to calm Moran and arrest him. But police say he pushed the officer, went inside the church and returned with 40 other congregants.

Read more at FoxNews

First the old grandmother, and now a church pastor and his congregation. Sure hope the Pope doesn't screw up if he ever visits Texas.


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Don't Use The Victims Cell Phone When You Rob A House

Virginia Police are searching for a house burglar who did an incredibly stupid thing while he was robbing a house last month...

He tried to use the victim's cell phone to make a phone call. Apparently he didn't know how to use the cell phone and just started pressing buttons.

Guess what button he pressed?

That's right, he took a picture of himself.

Not only did he not know how to make a call with cell phone, he didn't know how to delete the picture.

No one has accused criminals of being smart. Or tech savvy either.


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Woman Blames Dog For Theft From Ex-Husband

Woman Blames Dog For Theft From Ex-Husband

A woman accused of dipping into her ex-husband's bank account without permission blames her dog.

Arlington, Wash., police spokeswoman Kristin Banfield says detectives filed court orders to follow the money trail. They learned the money disappearing from the 42-year-old Arlington man's account was being used to pay for utility bills and other items at his ex-wife's home.

Banfield tells The Herald that the woman's first response was, "Her dog got into her purse and ate all her personal checks." The 50-year-old woman reportedly told police she had no choice but to take money from her former husband's account.

The women is under investigation for identity theft and forgery.

Source: Fox News


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Man Breaks Into House-Lives There For A Week

Man Breaks Into House-Lives There For A Week

ANDERSON, Ohio, June 28 (UPI) -- A young Ohio man allegedly broke into a Cincinnati-area house while the owners were on vacation and stayed there for a week.

Nicholas Truesdell not only slept in the master bedroom of the four-bedroom house in Anderson, he watched television and spent time on the computer, the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office said.

Read More At UPI.com


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Officials Warn TV Viewers Not To Shoot Their Old TV Sets

Officials Warn TV Viewers Not To Shoot Their Old TV Sets


Salt Lake City, UT -- Got an old TV? Don't shoot it! That's the word from federal wilderness officials.

Read More HERE



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City Misplaces Time Capsule Buried In 1959

City Misplaces Time Capsule Buried In 1959


OVERLAND, Mo., June 21 (UPI) -- Residents of Overland, Mo., say they can't find a time capsule buried in 1959 that was to be used for a local celebration.

Shirley Needy, the Overland Historical Society vice president, said the search was hindered by a lack of a plaque or stone to identify where the capsule was buried five decades ago

Read More At UPI.com


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Always Return Your Library Books In Texas

Always Return Your Library Books In Texas

A 21 Year Old Texas woman is on the lam from Killeen Authorities after a dastardly crime...

Victoria Rogers left Killeen with her 5 month old son and headed to San Antonio after a divorce and left only two things behind:

1. An Ex Husband
2 A Library Book

The library in Killeen wanted their book back. They sent notice after notice to her old address...which her ex ignored. Frustrated, the library gave up collection activities and turned the matter over to Killeen authorities.

An arrest warrant was issued.

In Killeen, failure to return library materials is a class C misdemeanor. The Killeen city prosecutor says that "normally, these things can be worked out". Currently, Ms. Rogers currently faces a minimum $340 fine and must show up in court.

The library says the matter is out of their hands once they turn it over to authorities.

Ms. Rogers refuses to drive or get a job for fear of being nabbed.

Damn criminals.


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