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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Jennifer Lawrence Backstage Press Conference After 2013 Oscar Win (Video)
This is the video of Jennifer Lawrence backstage after her Oscar win for Best Actress 2013.
Other than the first question...well, they say there is no such thing as a stupid question, but this video proves otherwise. By the way, Jennifer ROCKS.
Death Star Wedding Cake
A Death Star Wedding Cake...that's no moon, it's a space station.
Is the force with the happy couple? I don't know, but starting out with characters from the evil empire can't be good.
Just had to share this from Neatorama
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Another Thing You Shouldn't Do On A High Voltage Power Line Tower
Here's another item to add to your list of things NOT to do on a high voltage power line tower:
Rappelling down the side of the tower.
Eugene Scott Duncan of West Virginia decided to try this the other day on the tower behind his house.
Would you care to guess the end result of his little adventure?
Yep, hit the power line and took a trip to the hospital. American Electric Power employees told police the line carries as much as 46,000 volts. Sounds like he was lucky his trip wasn't to the morgue. (Cause of Death: Stupidity)
Police may charge Duncan with trespassing on the line.
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The Green Towel Bandit And 153 Trips To The Pokey
The Fileunderi Criminals of the Week and two fine examples of the dilution of the gene pool:
Zephyrhills, Florida - Zephyrhills Police have arrested a 26-year-old man accusing him of robbing the same store, two days in a row, while trying to disguise himself by wrapping a green towel around his head.
Investigators say Jeffrey Pringle went into the Right Way Food Store Monday and threatened the clerk, demanding money and saying he was carrying a gun.
Read More of the Story Here
PORTSMOUTH — Paul Baldwin was arrested for the 153rd time Sunday, a week after he completed a one-year jail sentence for stealing a $1.99 can of beer.
Arraigned June 1 by video from the Rockingham County House of Corrections, Baldwin, 49, with no fixed address, was charged with a class A misdemeanor count of simple assault alleging he hit someone in the face in Market Square.
Read More of the Story Here
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Dare To Eat Pig Sends Texas Teen To Hospital
The Fileunderi Young Moron of the Week:
A Plano, Texas ninth-grader took a dare and ate fetal pig parts. Classmates offered little Johnny 50 bucks to eat the pig's testicles.
He collected $40 of the $50 and told reporters "it wasn't that bad, it was just like swallowing a pill".
So, how did this make the news and Fileunderi find out about it? (We aren't located in the Lone Star State)
Well...
The dare was given and taken in Biology class. As you might remember, things that are used for dissection in Biology class have a wicked smell to them. That smell is caused by Formaldehyde, a toxic substance that preserves tissues.
Yes, Little Johnny DID swallow Formaldehyde soaked pig testicles for $50.
Now he owes his mom $100 for the ER visit.
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Man Arrested For Mowing Park Grass
Man Arrested For Mowing Park Grass
A man in Sandusky, Ohio found out that the City Fathers do not appreciate help from the general public with park maintenance.
Resident John Hamilton had enough of the foot high grass at Sandusky's Central Park and he decided to take control of the situation. Apparently, budget cuts have forced understaffed maintenance crews to tackle other projects and leave park grass to the whim of nature.
Mr. Hamilton, who just wanted to make his city beautiful, got his own lawnmower and commenced to cutting. Problem is, he was blowing grass clippings on to the sidewalks (gasp!!) and was shredding trash that hadn't been picked up.
Police arrived and ordered Lawnmower Man to stop, in the name of the law.
He refused.
The 48-year-old Hamilton was arrested and charged with obstructing official business and disorderly conduct.
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Nebraska Man Uses Novel Disguise To Rob Kwik Shop
A man in Lincoln, Nebraska robbed a Kwik Shop early Monday morning, and used a novel disguise...
An empty beer carton covered his head.
He threatened to shoot the clerk, but the clerk never saw a gun.(probably too busy laughing his/her butt off)
The robber made off with 9 packs of cigarettes valued at $50. Mr. Beer Carton Head was caught on tape (but authorities can't make out his face), ditched the disguise in the parking lot, and police are checking it for fingerprints.
And for those of you who care...It was a Bud Light Carton.
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The Latest Trend For Downsized Farms? Downsized Cows
How do you effectively downsize your farm to cut costs and still make money?
Quite a few farmers have found a novel way, they have downsized cows. Yes...Mini Cows.
The Mini Cows barely reach the waist of an average adult male and the Mini Calves see eye to eye with a Border Collie.
The miniature Herefords consume about half that of a full-sized cow,but they produce 50% to 75% of the rib-eyes and fillets, according to researchers and farmers who are using the itty bitty bovines. The mini cows weigh in at 500 to 700 pounds compared to around 1300 for an average cow. The mini cows are not genetically engineered to be smaller, nor are they dwarfs. They are drawn from breeds brought over a century ago from Europe. The 1950's and 1960's saw farmers working to get their cows larger as feed was plentiful.
There is a drawback to the Mini Cows(Dairy Version)...you have to get on your knees to milk them.
Source: LA Times
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Man Tries To Catch BB Fired At Him
Another slow, boring day in Massachusetts brings us this:
A Falmouth man was hanging out with his buddy and decided it would be fun to catch a BB. He told his friend to pump a BB Gun once and fire it across the room at him. He would attempt to catch it with his bare hand.
Amazingly, he DID catch it...in a way. The BB became lodged in his hand. He got to go to the hospital, police had to investigate, and it made the news.
The man told police it was "an accident gone wrong".
Ladies and Gentlemen, beware of the idiots that live among you. They are not labeled for your convenience.
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They Found Jesus In A Bag Of Cheetos
Jesus has been popping up everywhere in the last decade or so and Fileunderi is there to report all the sightings for you. Who can forget the infamous grilled cheese sandwich sighting (conveniently sold on eBay for a pretty penny)? More recently, He appeared in a church seat cushion on an obscure island in the Pacific And now, Jesus has decided to show up in the form of a cheese snack...
Dan and Sara Bell of north Texas were on a road trip last weekend and grabbed a bag of Cheetos at a gas station. Sara was munching on the snacks and had placed a few in her hand. When she looked down at the last one, there was J.C. himself...or at least what they believe to be a likeness of a figure in a robe praying.
When Sara mentioned it to Dan, he looked over at it and said "Wow, it does look like a praying Jesus."
The little 2" Savior likeness is missing a right arm (Sara probably ate it), but the Bells swear they see a body, hair, robe and even a tiny little Jesus face.
The Bells' Cheeto ended up on the front page of the Preston Hollow newspaper, and the Bells are trying to decide what do with Him. Dan said his first reaction was... "Let's put this on eBay. How much do you think we should ask for it? It could be 25 cents, could be 25 dollars. If it's only 25 cents, we're just going to eat it."
Yes, you can find anything on eBay.
We would be remiss if we didn't mention that the Bells have a nickname for their little treasure...
Wait for it...
"Cheesus"
Source (Because we are not Maureen Dowd): CBS11TV.com
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Teen Tries To Rob A Store With A Banana
Authorities say a North Carolina teen who was thwarted as he tried to rob a store with a banana ate it before they could arrive.
Winston-Salem authorities say 17-year-old John Szwalla held the banana under his shirt when he entered the store Thursday, saying he had a gun and demanded money.
Read More @ Fox News.com
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Don't Throw Food At Your Waffle House Waitress
An early morning visit to her local Waffle House went terribly wrong for Crystal Samuel.
"I thought I was gonna get me an All-Star," said Samuel. "Grits, sausage, toast, eggs and a waffle,"
Instead of the timely delivery of her All-Star Breakfast, Crystal waited and waited while her friends got their food and were eating. Then the trouble REALLY started...
Her waitress,Yakeisha Ward, told them they couldn't eat from carryout trays inside the restaurant.
"I said what is your fuss about. I said we haven't paid for our food. She (Ward) said well you all got to leave. How you want us to leave and we ain't paid for the food yet," said Samuel.
Then Crystal Samuel made a huge mistake. She threw a waffle at the waitress. The waffle missed. It didn't matter, All-Star Waffle House Waitress Yakeisha Ward jumped across the counter and the two started fighting. The spat spilled out into the parking lot.
Evidently, Crystal was getting the better of Waitress Yakeisha because...Yakeisha made her way to her car and got a gun and a gun magazine from the trunk.
Uh oh. This could end badly...
Yakeisha's gun discharged. A bullet fragment struck Crystal in the arm. Finally, just as police were pulling into the parking lot, Yakeisha struck Crystal in the head with the gun.
Yakeisha is charged with assault and battery with intent to kill. She is out of jail after posting bond. Crystal had this to say about Waffle House and the incident...
"Bad customer service"
No kidding?
There might be a problem with bad customers there too...
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Source: WLTX.com
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Thieving Bank Manager Sets Fire To Vault To Cover His Tracks
Thieving Bank Manager Sets Fire To Vault To Cover His Tracks
The Fileunderi Moron/Stupid Criminal of the Day:
Dwayne Roberts is (soon to be was) a bank branch assistant manager for a 5th 3rd Bank in Indiana. Dwayne enjoyed taking a little of the bank assets from time to time.
Apparently, Dwayne had this feeling he was going to get caught and he needed a plan to cover his tracks.
Hmmm...what to do?
Dwayne came up with a novel idea: He would set a fire inside the bank vault.
So, he sent his employees home early and did just that.
Unfortunately, there was a problem with this plan AND Dwayne made a crucial mistake.
First, the mistake:
Dwayne dropped his keys inside the vault after setting the fire and locking the vault. Now with the keys inside said vault, Dwayne can't lock the doors to the bank OR get in his truck and head for the hills. Dwayne calls 911. Police find Dwayne's keys inside the vault. Police also find $6000 in cash in Dwayne's truck.
There is also one little important thing Dwayne forgot about when he formulated his plan...the security camera inside the vault. Said camera clearly shows Dwayne as the last one to go in and out of the vault, and a box of cash flaming up as soon as he left the vault.
Dwayne is facing felony arson and theft charges. Authorities are considering filing Federal charges too. Fileunderi is charging him with absolute stupidity...
The bank suffered smoke damage and is closed until Saturday.
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Source: WTHR
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Dog Wash Fail: Dog O Matic
You have GOT to be kidding:
Image Source: The wild and wonderful ibored.com
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Image Source: The wild and wonderful ibored.com
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Orangutan Makes A Run For It At Australian Zoo
An Orangutan Makes A Run For It At Australian Zoo:
A 137 pound orangutan, described as "ingenious" by the zoo curator, briefly tasted freedom at said zoo the other day...
27 year old Karta jammed a stick into the electric fence, disabling it, then piled up debris to scale a retaining wall.
Zoo patrons were evacuated and zoo keepers were standing by with tranquilizer guns as Karta sat on the retaining wall for 30 minutes or so...apparently contemplating her next move.
She then dropped back down into her enclosure. Perhaps she just wanted to show that she could do it.
The zoo's curator describes Karta as "ingenious" and said she tries to outsmart her caretakers on almost a daily basis.
Source: uticaOD.com
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Just Another Road Sign Fail
Image Source: Telegraph.co.uk
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MiniVan Thief And A Bumper Sticker
Today's Fileunderi Stupid Criminal Of The Day:
Someone stole a minivan from a Florida Water Treatment Plant on Thursday night...
By the way, why would someone steal a minivan?? Were they moving? Obviously they haven't heard of the old "test drive a used minivan from the local car lot all afternoon" trick...
Anyway, the water treatment plant workers noticed the minivan missing Friday morning.
Later that same morning, the van was located when said thief decided to top 100mph on State Route 301.
Did someone report Mario VANdretti to the local police?
No....
The minivan had a "How's My Driving?" sticker on the back of it.
VANdretti was arrested.
The minivan was unharmed.
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