Man Leaps Into River To Escape Wifes Nagging

Yangtze River Ferry
What would you do to escape your wife's nagging?

A Chinese truck driver, Zhou, not only walked the plank, he leaped off of it into a fast moving river.

Zhou and his wife were on a ferry on the Yangtze River when ferry crew members saw Zhou with his hands over his ears saying, "I can't take it anymore". The crew members thought Zhou had some kind of ear injury and rushed to his side. When they realized he was unhurt, they stood there puzzling over the situation. And then...

His wife ran to his side and continued nagging him. Zhou covered his ears again and said, "I need a break".

He then took the giant leap overboard into the river.

Whoa.

A ferry crew member said, "We immediately found lamps to light up the water but found nobody. The possibility of survival can be zero."

Double Whoa.

Zhou had escaped his wife's nagging. Forever.


Not.

Fortunately,(or unfortunately, depending on your point of view)police found Zhou later that night after he swam 2km to safety.

Zhou said, "I felt I was dying, but even that's better than my wife's nagging,"

Zhou and his wife were reunited at the police station, and she promised to stop nagging him.

(Sure)



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Just Plain Stupid-Never Pour Gasoline On Your Crotch

Just plain stupid:




Video Source: YouTube User fcmsgb17


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Stupid Criminals-A Garage Sale With Literally Anything For Sale

stupid criminals
Wisconsin- A Racine County Metro Drug Unit agent went to 4549 Lora St. on Sunday, when David M. Neau, 25, held a rummage sale. The agent had been part of a long-term investigation into Neau's activities, according to court documents.

When the rummage sale started, the agent went up to Neau, saying he was new in town. After a short time, the agent reports Neau asked him if he needed "anything else" to buy. "(The agent) states that as the two looked at each other (the agent) understood his offer to potentially mean drugs for sale," the complaint reads.

Read the Whole Sordid Story HERE


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Vibram FiveFingers Shoes-Barefooting Is In

vibram fivefingers
While Vibram Five Fingers shoes might be the goofiest looking shoes you have ever seen, those who own and wear them are raving:

John Biggs on Crunchgear had this to say in a review:

"I swore I’d never wear them. We called them the Five Fingers of Suck a few years ago and I was sure they were crazy...

...Here’s my story: I ran a marathon a few years ago. I got plantar fasciitis and couldn’t run after the marathon...So I tried a few things - the elliptical, weight training, losing some freaking weight - but the thing that saved me were these shoes."


Read the whole review HERE

The New York Times has this to say about those funny looking Fivefinger "shoes":

"...Recent research suggests that for all their high-tech features, modern running shoes may not actually do much to improve a runner’s performance or prevent injuries. Some runners are convinced that they are better off with shoes that are little more than thin gloves for the feet — or with no shoes at all...

...It has also inspired some innovative footwear. Upstart companies like Vibram, Feelmax and Terra Plana are challenging the running-shoe status quo with thin-sole designs meant to combine the benefits of going barefoot with a layer of protection. This move toward minimalism could have a significant impact on not only running shoes but also on the broader $17 billion sports shoe market."


Read the whole story HERE

Hmmm...maybe, just maybe, you should check this FiveFinger thing out...Vibram FiveFingers

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Burglar Returns To Home While Police Are There

handcuffs
Steve Fluegge was shocked when he walked downstairs in his North Hill home about 6 a.m. Friday and came face to face with a burglar in his living room.

But he was even more shocked when, less than three hours later, the burglar returned and swiped a television he left in the backyard — while a police investigator was still on the scene.


Read More At PNJ.com


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More Stupid Criminals- The Stimulus Check Sting

stupid criminals
Authorities in Fort Lauderdale say they sent letters to fugitives offering them stimulus money. The suspects were asked to call a hot line and set up an appointment to pickup a check from an auditorium where "South Florida Stimulus Coalition" banners hung.

Read More At FoxNews.com

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A First Date Gone Bad-Dude, Where's My Car?

handcuffs
Do you have a bad first date story? See if it tops this one..

A Michigan woman went on a first date with 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy. It wasn't a blind date, she had met McCoy at a Detroit casino a week earlier. She knew him as "Chris". (Bad sign. Name he gave her and his real name don't match)

They exchanged cell phone numbers and he sent her his photo. They decided to have dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. She picked him up at drove him there.

When the bill arrived, McCoy told the woman his wallet must have fallen out and asked for the keys to her car. (Uh Oh)

He never returned.

When the woman finally went out to her car...it was gone too.

The woman contacted police, who identified McCoy from the photo he had sent her, and his phone number. (smooth move, "Chris". Another criminal mastermind uses his head)

McCoy is charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday.


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This Little Piggie Didn't Go To The Fair

pig
Pigs at the Fair are as American as Apple Pie and Chevy...er...Toyota, but this year things are a little different.

This year's Caledonia County Fair in Vermont will be pigless. That's right, no baby pig chases and no piglets in the children's barnyard. The oldest fair in Vermont is sans swine because fair officials are fearful that fair goers who contract swine flu would blame the fair and file lawsuits. Although the Swine Flu Virus/H1N1 Virus is spread almost exclusively to humans from other humans, the Fair's directors looked in their crystal ball and saw nothing but cloudy skies, bad publicity and fair money flying out the window on the horizon.

The Caledonia County Fair is one of the few fairs to enact this policy. Most fairs nationwide are going to great lengths to protect THE PIGS. They are urging fair goers to wash their hands before they touch the little piggies in the petting zoos, and one State Fair is going one step further...

When the Oregon State Fair opened in Salem on Friday, visitors confronted pig barriers, recommended by the state veterinarian.

"Our pigs aren't sick, are you?" say signs that will be posted at the fair. "If you're not feeling well, don't visit the pigs."

North Carolina, the nation's second-largest hog-producing state behind Iowa, is going one step further, installing wooden barriers around the sow and piglet pens at its upcoming state fair in Raleigh and the North Carolina Mountain Fair in Fletcher. That will keep people at least three feet away from the pigs, out of humans' reach and sneezing range. Signs will also direct fair goers to stay out of livestock barns if they're sick or have been sick in the last seven days.


Calling the virus "swine flu" has led to confusion, according to USDA spokeswoman Chris Mather. Flu experts say people cannot get H1N1 from handling pork.

The National Pork Board has developed kits for fairs with signs urging fair goers to wash hands and not to touch pigs.

"We do worry about any misconception that people may have that would think they have anything to fear from the pigs themselves," said Liz Wagstrom, a veterinarian with the National Pork Board.



Source: WMTW.com


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DeathRiskRankings-Is That The Grim Reaper At Your Front Door?

the grim reaper
Now here's a website to brighten up your weekend...

DeathRiskRankings.com can tell you the odds of when you will die, how you will die, what you will die from, and all those other fun, silly questions that you ask yourself.

Created by researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, Death Risk Rankings takes the answers to your questions and compares it with publicly available information from U.S. and European databases. Such things as mortality risks by gender, odds of death by age, death causes and odds of death by geographic region are all cross-analyzed against the data you provide Death Risk Rankings. Afterward, you’ll know the most probably cause of your death, as well as the probable time.

All you have to do is visit the website, answer some questions and you may just find the time and manner of your death.

Visit DeathRiskRankings by Clicking HERE


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No Ticket For The Subway? Prepare To Be Tasered

barney fife
An unidentified man in Los Angeles has arrived at a completely different destination than he had planned...

The incident took place at the North Hollywood Red Line station on Wednesday night.
According to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, a sheriff's deputy repeatedly asked the man if he had a ticket. (No word on why Deputy Fife chose this man for ticket verification)

The man didn't answer, so Deputy Fife decided it was prudent to question the man. He took hold of his hands to stop him. According to the Sheriff's Department spokesman, "the man broke free, raised clenched fists and charged the deputy several times."

Now what?

Fife tasered the man.

The man got back up, charged, and he was tasered again.

And one more time...

After the third shock, the man didn't get up.

As a matter of fact, the apparently ticketless man died.

The sheriff's department says that a "pipe used to smoke drugs" fell to the ground during the "scuffle".

No word on which scuffler's pocket the pipe fell out of.

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Kids Sue Mom For No Birthday Presents And Emotional Distress

birthday present birthday gift
It's the end of the month, and you know what that means...
Yes, it's time once again for the Fileunderi "Outrageously Frivolous Lawsuit of the Month Award".

While we realize that older generations have complained about younger generations since...well...there were older and younger generations, we believe this story takes the proverbial cake.

Two adult children are suing their biological mother for intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress that they say occurred over a period of more than 14 years.

Steven A. Miner II is 21 years old and Kathryn R. Miner is 18. Together, they are suing their mother Kimberly A. Garrity in a complaint that details years of alleged mistreatment, including the following:


Read the Rest of the story at Chicago Bar-Tender

Yes, we will shed a tear for these two before we retire for the evening...


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A "Say What?" To White House Budget Director Peter Orszag

peter orszag
What do you do when you find yourself spending two or three times what you earn? If you are the United States, you spend more and justify this spending with illogical statements...

When asked about the projected 1.6 TRILLION dollar deficit this year, and a projected combined deficit of 7 to 9 TRILLION dollars over the next 10 years, White House Budget Director Peter Orszag had this to say, "I know there are going to be some who say that this report proves we can't afford health reform. We simply can't afford to wait."

Say what?

Health Care Reform is expected to cost roughly 1 Trillion over a period of 10 years. President Obama has said this will be paid for via savings and cost cutting in other areas.

Say what?

As always, our fine politicians play the blame game, rather than making the hard choices and doing what needs to be done.

From the Democrats: The Deficits and our Debt is our legacy from Dubya and the Republicans.

From the Republicans: The Deficits and our Debt is the result of the Democrats tendency to overspend.

The insanity is played out, day after day, month after month...

Unfortunately, someone, somewhere will have to pay for all this. It could be us, very soon. It could be our children, in decades to come.

Stop pointing fingers. Do something.


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Kathleen K.C. Neill-Nude Model Arrested At The Met In New York City

the met
In a museum full of nude art, "real life" nudity is still obscene.

Right?

According to New York City it is.

Read On...

From the A.P.

NEW YORK — It seems the only nudes allowed at New York City's Metropolitan Museum of Art are the ones in the collection.

Police say they arrested a 26-year-old woman who was posing naked for a photographer, and in full view of visitors, in the museum's arms and armor department on Wednesday.

Model Kathleen "K.C." Neill faces a charge of public lewdness.

Defense attorney Donald Schechter says the museum is full of nude art, and to call what the model and her photographer were doing obscenity "is ridiculous."

Photographer Zach Hyman directed the shoot. He's been getting some attention locally for photographing nude models on subways.

Hyman has said he's inspired by nude paintings at the Met and his photos are not pornographic.



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Danger! Jessica Biel Is The Most Infected Celebrity On The Web

jessica biel
For those of you who are obsessed with celebrity news, photos, screensavers and the like, here is a bit of sobering news...If you search for Jessica Biel and start clicking on the results, there is a 20 percent chance that website loading on your screen will infect your computer with spyware, adware, malware, and/or viruses.

This info comes from computer security know-it-all McAfee who, as it just so happens, has some software that will tell you if the website you are about to click on is safe.

Woo Hoo!

Jessica Biel is this year's McAfee Most Dangerous Cyberspace Celeb, knocking last year's winner, Brad Pitt, off his lofty throne.

See? Fileunderi even provides news you can use.

Let's be careful out there...



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Federal Stimulus Checks Were Sent To 4000 Convicts

chain gang
From the "Our Founding Fathers are rolling over in their graves" file:

While our headline might be dancing on the fine line of truth, the article that follows from the Boston Herald reveals that 1700 or so of the check receiving convicts should not be $250.00 "richer". The other 2200 or so were "legally entitled" to the checks, because they were on SSI before they went to jail.

Well, drop us in a vat of government checks and call us stimulated.

Here's the story:

One day after the Herald reported some surprised Bay State inmates - including murderers and rapists - were cashing in $250 stimulus checks, federal officials revealed the same behind-bars bonus was mailed to nearly 4,000 cons nationwide.

A federal watchdog is now probing how the cons were cut the checks. The same cash also may have been sent to fugitive felons, people kicked out of the country and even individuals now deceased.

It’s all part of the massive American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 - and what is becoming an accounting nightmare for red-faced feds.


Read the rest of the story at The Boston Herald


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Jurassic Coop-Scientist Aims To Turn Chickens Into Dinosaurs

chicken dinosaur
Just when you thought it was safe to go down on the farm, a Canadian scientist aims to turn chickens into dinosaurs. Paleontologist Hans Larsson plans to create Jurassic Coop by manipulating chicken embryos to show he can create a dinosaur.

Here's the story from Breitbart.com:

After years spent hunting for the buried remains of prehistoric animals, a Canadian paleontologist now plans to manipulate chicken embryos to show he can create a dinosaur.
Hans Larsson, the Canada Research Chair in Macro Evolution at Montreal's McGill University, said he aims to develop dinosaur traits that disappeared millions of years ago in birds.

Larsson believes by flipping certain genetic levers during a chicken embryo's development, he can reproduce the dinosaur anatomy, he told AFP in an interview.


Read the rest of the story Here


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The Baby Name Wizard- Expert On Baby Names Has A Website

baby
If you are expectant parents and your eyes are blurry from poring over all the possible baby names...Help Has Arrived!!

The Baby Name Wizard is a website that will do it for you. The Baby Name Wizard is the brainchild of Expert baby name author Laura Wattenberg , author of a best selling book, appropriately titled, "The Baby Name Wizard". Yes, baby namers to be, you can get a complete list of baby names, their meanings, and names ranked by popularity.

All in one website.

You gotta love the internet...

Here is the link to The Baby Name Wizard


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Another Ploy To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket Ends In Failure

cia seal
56-year-old Scott Gibson of Rogersville, Tennessee is the proud winner of this month's Fileunderi Supreme Moron Award.

Mr. Gibson was clocked by local police going 66 mph in a 55 mph zone. He was sent a citation.

Rather than pay the ticket, like the rest of us poor slobs are prone to do, Mr. Gibson came up with a novel ruse:

He sent back a copy of the citation with a handwritten note, claiming he wasn't subject to local speed zones because...

Wait for it...

He was the Deputy Chief of the CIA.

Police contacted the CIA, and they responded that Gibson wasn't (and never was) an employee.

So, not only does Mr. Gibson face the $75 fine for speeding (which he would have had to pay regardless of employment with the CIA), he has been arrested and charged with criminal impersonation, AND he faces pending Federal charges.

Salute!


Buy Swine Flu Masks


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David Hedrick-Marine Vet At Brian Baird Townhall Meeting

barack obama
More controversy on the Health Care Reform front...yet another Video from a TownHall Meeting has gone viral. This time it is ex-marine David Hedrick, who spoke at Brian Baird 's townhall meeting.

A quote from David Hedrick:

“The Nazis were the National SOCIALIST Party. They were leftists. They took over the finance, they took over the car industry, they took over health care in that country. If Nancy Pelosi wants to find a swastika, maybe the first place she should look is the sleeve of her own arm.”

Brian Baird isn't exactly sweet and innocent when it comes to name calling and labels, earlier this month he accused anti-health care reform Republicans of “brownshirt tactics” and compared them to “a lynch mob.”

And everyone's favorite dame, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, accused the anti-health care protesters of “carrying swastikas” to town hall meetings.

It's a shame that cooler heads can't prevail in this little National Drama...but we find it amusing that those on both sides compare each other to the Nazis.

Who is right?

Who knows?

Here is a clip of David Hedrick at the Brian Baird Townhall Meeting:




Video Source: YouTube user HedrickDavid


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Manslaughter Is Okay If Its An Exorcism In New Zealand

voodoo
Five siblings were convicted in June of manslaughter in the death of their niece, 22 year old Janet Moses. Janet's aunts and uncles were convinced that the poor girl was possessed by an evil spirit, or makutu in Maori, the indigenous language of New Zealand.

The five were convicted by a New Zealand High Court after they decided that the best way to remove the evil spirit would be to pour water in Janet' mouth and nose.

For several days.

Until she drowned.

Apparently, that is how you remove evil spirits in New Zealand.

Sentencing took place this Friday and the judge said, ""The accused did what they genuinely thought was right I have no doubt they believed that she was possessed by makutu and were trying to help." Prosecutors said that while the family might have believed Janet was possessed, or cursed, she may have been mentally ill.

No kidding?

Anyway...

Convicted of manslaughter.

And the sentence??


Community service.

And the Insanity continues...


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Health Care Emails Overload House Of Representatives Website

us capitol building
Hark! Could "We The People" finally be rising from their long slumber to actually participate in the direction of our country? Stay tuned!

Amid a boisterous debate on health care reform, people flooded members of Congress on Thursday with so many e-mails that they overloaded the House's primary Web site.

Technical support issued a warning to congressional staff that the site -- www.house.gov -- may be slow or unresponsive because of the large volume of e-mail being sent to members.

Jeff Ventura, a spokesman for the House's chief administrative officer, which maintains the Web site, said traffic data was not available and could not be released without the lawmakers' consent.


Read More At FoxNews.com


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Swine Flu Panic In India Spreads Faster Than Swine Flu Virus

swine flue virus H1N1 virus
Swine Flu News In India

Like everywhere else in the world that has been affected by the Swine Flu Virus, India has seen Swine Flu Panic spread faster than the Swine Flu Virus itself.

From the Associated Press:

The streets of the western city of Pune were half-empty, schools in Mumbai were ordered closed, and people suffering aches flooded hospitals across the country as India confronted dueling outbreaks of swine flu and swine flu panic.

Twenty people have died from the flu here, according to government numbers available Friday, and 1,283 have been confirmed infected in this nation of 1.2 billion people. But fear of the flu has outpaced the virus itself.

"The amount of frenzy or hysteria is totally disproportionate to the overall reality of the disease," Dr. Jai Narain, the head of the regional communicable disease office for the World Health Organization, said Friday.

Breathless reports of swine flu have dominated India's 24-hour news channels desperate for stories amid the August doldrums. That in turn has helped whip the public into a frenzy, even in cities with relatively few cases of flu.

In New Delhi, where no deaths have been reported, people have begun wearing surgical masks in the street. In Lucknow, parents demanded their children be tested.

"Over 1,000 people lined up at different hospitals. ... Eleven of them tested positive," Dr. R.R. Bharati, a top health official in the northern city of Lucknow said earlier this week.

In Mumbai, the country's financial capital, the government closed all schools and movie theaters, hammering the Bollywood film industry over the long Independence Day holiday weekend. The government also asked malls in Mumbai to tone down their traditional holiday sales to keep away crowds.

The nearby city of Pune is India's worst affected, with 12 of the country's 20 deaths.

There, the streets were half-empty, the usual crowds shunned the shopping malls and many workers stopped showing up at offices. With schools closed, worried parents kept their children shut inside.

Many who did venture out wore surgical masks, despite a shortage that sent the price of a single mask skyrocketing from 5 rupees (10 cents) to 150 rupees ($3).

"The situation in Pune is alarming considering the number of ... positive cases and deaths. We are augmenting the resources in the city to handle the situation. However, we appeal to people not to panic," said Chandrakant Dalvi, a city official.

In response to the outbreak, India's government has set up testing centers around the country and plans to increase its stock of the anti-viral drug Tamiflu to 30 million doses, the government said. But officials have also asked people to stop wearing surgical masks in the street unless they or a family member are infected.

"I cannot see anything to panic about," said Dr. Jayaprakash Muliyil, a professor of epidemiology at Christian Medical College in Vellore. "These kinds of rumors are not good for the health of the nation."

The fatality rate from the virus is relatively low, though scientists worry it could eventually mutate into a more deadly strain, he said.

Yet the flu has garnered far more attention than India's raft of other health problems, including tuberculosis, which kills nearly 1,000 Indians every day, according to World Health Organization figures.

In Pune, more than 11,000 people lined up to be tested for the swine flu virus Thursday and 73 tested positive, Mahesh Zagade, a city official, told reporters.

"I think we are suffering a psychological disorder. We keep asking each other if we feel sick, cold, have a body ache, fever or breathlessness," said a 25-year-old man waiting to be tested in Pune who identified himself as Aditya. "I called up my doctor this morning and told him that I felt like I was suffocating."

The entire staff at one pharmacy donned gloves and masks after hearing a pharmacist was among those killed by the virus.

"We were planning to shut down, but we know we can't do that because people here need medicine," said Anand Agarwal, the 42-year-old pharmacist.

According to the World Health Organization, there were 177,457 cases of swine flu and 1,462 deaths across the world as of August 12.

After more than a week of feverish coverage of India's outbreak, some news organizations are now counseling calm.

"Stop the panic," urged the Hindustan Times.



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Nuns Chase Down Armed Robber Help Police Handcuff Him

Nuns Chase Down Armed Robber
Don't mess with the Nuns...

It's a story that sounds like a movie plot, or even a joke. But, it's very serious. A pair of nuns chased down an armed robbery suspect and helped police put the handcuffs on him.

You can call it an act of God, or divine intervention. But, whatever you call it, one thing is clear: you don't mess with nuns from the Sisters of Saint Francis.

A typical morning at the Saint Francis of Holy Eucharist Convent at 24 Highway and Noland Road in Independence turned out to be anything but typical.

"We looked out window and saw someone in the bean field," said Sister Connie. "I thought it was someone hunting. He was dragging something with him."

Sister Connie soon realized the man was not on a mission from God.

"He kept coming across the field...I saw he had a gun in hands, what I thought was a rifle, and he dropped it in the field," said Sister Connie.

Not a man of the cloth, but a gun toting, tool wielding suspect who police think is responsible for two other burglaries in the area. Little did he know, his crime spree would soon be over.

"Sister Catrina started chasing him on foot," Sister Connie told us. Sister Catarina was just wearing flip flops on her feet. But, she took off after the man.

"I chased him behind the green house...I caught him again," said Sister Catarina.

Eventually he got away, but not for long. The story ended with the suspect in handcuffs.

"He could have harmed us and he didn't. Instead he chose to run, that tells me something about this young man," said Sister Connie.

When asked, the sisters said they hope the man will learn to change his ways after all of this. Of course, it's now up to the prosecutors office if charges will be filed.


From Fox4KC.com


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Men Spray Bees With Pressure Washer, Bees Get Revenge

bees
From Fileunderi's new revised edition of "The Art Of War"...

"When attacking a few bees with a pressure washer, make sure said bees do not have thousands of brothers nearby..."

The story:

Three people were attacked by a swarm of bees that came from a hive about the size of a car engine.

"I have never experienced anything like this before in my life," said Kendall Todd, owner of Affordable Pressure Cleaning in Palm City.

Todd and his brother were pressure cleaning Becky Engebretsen's driveway in the 1800 block of Northwest River Point Drive on Monday, when they first started noticing some bees. After spraying the bees with water, more continued to show up until finally the men were forced to take off on foot.

"We ran a quarter mile and the swarm was still attacking us," Todd said.

Todd was stung three times, and his brother was stung nine times.

"I deal with this stuff a lot but nothing like this, ever," Todd said.

Todd and his brother sat in a fire truck for about an hour; until the bees subsided after the pressure cleaning machine was turned off.

Engebretsen got stung twice, once on her check and ear, when she went outside looking for Todd.

"My neighbor said the hive was out there for about three years," Engebretsen said. "It never bothered anybody until today."

Steve Kinch, from Alpine Farms Bee Removal in Palm City, believes the bees became upset over the loud noise and vibrations coming from the pressure cleaning machine.

The bees could have also gotten more aggressive over time because of how large the hive had gotten.

Kinch doesn't believe the bees were the aggressive African wild bees. They usually live in smaller hives.

However, nobody will know for sure unless the bees are sent to a lab.

It took Kinch two hours to remove the hive that hung about 4 feet from the tree and was 2-feet thick, making it the biggest hive he has removed from a tree, he said.

"It was a humongous hive. It has been there for at least a few years," he said.

While Kinch was removing the 100 pounds of honey comb, the bees continued to try to attack him.

"If I knew then what I know now, I would have had them taken care of," said Engebretsen. "I can't have them chasing down workers."


From the Orlando Sentinal


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Well Doggone! Michael Vick, Eagles Agree To 2 Year Deal

michael vick

Michael Vick, Eagles Ink Deal

Quarterback and Dog Fighter Extraordinaire Michael Vick has signed a 2 year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles. His contract is for 1.6 Million the 1st year with a second year option for 5.2 Million. Vick can also earn an additional $3 million in incentives over the two years of the contract, sources told ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli.

Vick can immediately take part in preseason practices, workouts and meetings and can play in the final two preseason games. Once the season begins, Vick may participate in all team activities except games. He will be considered for full reinstatement by Week 6 (Oct. 18-19) at the latest.

Eagles coach Andy Reid said,"I'm a believer that as long as people go through the right process, they deserve a second chance. "He's got great people on his side; there isn't a finer person than Tony Dungy. He's proven he's on the right track."

This was a surprise move, given that the Philadelphia Eagles were one of 26 teams that said they had no interest in Michael Vick.

Frankly, we here at Fileunderi are a little shocked and dismayed, as we fully expected him to end up wearing Bengal stripes. That would have been a fine fit, given the team's history of drafting and signing free agent players with "character issues". However, the ultimate fit would have been the Cleveland Browns, as every big play would have drawn barks and arfs from the Dawg Pound.

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Chuck Norris Exposes Health Care Reform- ObamaCare Exposed

chuck norris
There are over 600,000 little Chuck "Norrisisms" floating around the internet...most of you have heard or read some of them. What you might not know is that Chuck Norris is very active politically and publishes articles on Townhall.com Here is his most recent article:

Dirty Secret No. 1 in Obamacare

By Chuck Norris

Health care reforms are turning into health care revolts. Americans are turning up the heat on congressmen in town hall meetings across the U.S.

While watching these political hot August nights, I decided to research the reasons so many are opposed to Obamacare to separate the facts from the fantasy. What I discovered is that there are indeed dirty little secrets buried deep within the 1,000-plus page health care bill.

Dirty secret No. 1 in Obamacare is about the government's coming into homes and usurping parental rights over child care and development.

Read the rest of the column at Townhall.com


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Family Of New York City's 1st Swine Flu Victim To Sue For 40 Million


The family of New York City's first swine flu victim, assistant principal Mitchell Wiener at Intermediate School 238 in Queens, has filed papers with the intention of suing the city and it's health and education departments.

The family will seek 40 Million Dollars in damages for wrongful death.

Wiener's widow claims that the NYC did not give adequate warning of the impending outbreak, did not do enough to combat the outbreak, and should have closed the school where Wiener worked when students became sick.

Wiener died on May 17 after succumbing to H1N1 virus. He had been hospitalized and placed on a ventilator after being sick with the new flu strain for nearly a week. The school was closed three days before his death. Complications besides the swine flu virus likely played a part in his death, officials said.

Wiener's family says he was only being treated for gout, and officials should have closed the school at the first hint of an outbreak.

"They can close because of snow, but not because of an illness that can be potentially deadly?" Mrs. Wiener said.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg said "the city didn't do anything wrong." He added that the city has an obligation to keep schools open, and he's sorry Wiener died.

To date, most people who contract the swine flu have complained of mild flu like symptoms.


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Money Cleansing Witch Doctor On The Lam


From the great state of Washington:

State police are continuing their womanhunt for one Senora Monica, a self described witch doctor who apparently has the power to "cleanse" money. Her clients thought so anyway.

According to police, Senora Monica would warn her clients that their money was tainted with evil spirits and they would die if they didn't allow her to cleanse it.
She would usually return the funds and ask for a fee. We assume if she didn't return the funds, she would tell them she couldn't get the evil spirits out and she would dispose of their evil money properly.

Now who would fall for something like this??

Well, old Senora Monica made off with around $140,000. In cash. Apparently quite a few "someones" believed it.


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Why Do Men Have Nipples? One Question For The Ages Explained

man nipples
Why do men have nipples?

This has been bothering us for quite some time. We think about things like this, it's our job.

So...

First, a scientific explanation from Andrew M. Simons, a professor of biology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario:

"Like all "why" queries, the question of why men have nipples can be addressed on many levels. My four-year-old daughter, always suspicious of a trick when asked such obvious questions, answered: "because they grow them." In search of the trick answer, she quickly added that "chests would also look pretty funny with just hair."

Evolutionary biologists, whose job it is to explain variety in nature, are often expected to provide adaptive explanations for such "why" questions. Some traits may prove—through appropriate tests—to be best explained as adaptations; others have perfectly good evolutionary, but nonadaptive, explanations. This is because evolution is a process constrained by many factors including history, chance, and the mechanisms of heredity, which also explains why particular attributes of organisms are not as they would be had they been "designed" from scratch. Nipples in male mammals illustrate a constrained evolutionary result..."

Read the rest of the article HERE at ScientificAmerican.com

Did you read it?

Whew! Now THAT'S an explanation.

And our explanation?

Because men would look damn funny without 'em.

Think about it.


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Brittney Mcgoldrick-Minnie Mouse Gets A Little Justice


The verdict is in and the Minnie Mouse groper has been sentenced.

To recap our story so far: 60 year old John William Moyer goes to Disney World and decides to grope Minnie Mouse (played by Brittney Duncan). Minnie pushes Moyer to the ground, Moyer is arrested, Moyer goes to court.

The verdict? Guilty.

After the guilty verdict, and before sentencing, Moyer had a character witness speak on his behalf. His witness? Moyer's adult son. Moyer's son had this to say, “He’s a good man.” and “He’s a nice guy.”

Well said.

And the sentence is...

Moyer has to write a letter of apology to the victim, Brittney Duncan McGoldrick. He also is under supervised probation for 180 days, must complete 50 hours of community service within four months, pay $1,000 in court costs and submit to a mental evaluation with treatment, if necessary.


Justice has been served.


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Trial Continues For Mouse-O-Phile

minnie mouse
Just to keep you updated:

The trial continues for John William Moyer, 60, of Cressona, Pennsylvania.

Mr. Moyer is accused of groping Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World.

Ms. Mouse testified as follows:

"My first reaction I just pushed him down. I was doing everything I could to get his hands off my breasts,"

Minnie's significant other, Mickey, is currently in seclusion and unavailable for comment.

More details as they become available...


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Family Pulled Out Of Funeral Procession For Seat Belt Violation


This is a story of The Long Arm Of The Law, Death, Barney Fife, and a grieving family.

As our tale begins...Donald Ross, of Spokane, Washington, was attending his sisters funeral a couple of days ago. Over 100 people showed up and the event was...uneventful...until Mr. Ross, his wife, his brother, and 2 other people piled in a car to join the procession to a nearby cemetery for the burial.

They only got a quarter of a mile down the road when they saw flashing lights. The lights were meant for them. Barney Fife had arrived on the scene.

Deputy Fife pulled over the grieving brothers(we assume with his gun holstered)and explained that they were in violation of the law. No one had their seat belt on.

At this point, we would think that Officer Barney would warn our heroes, and send them on their way, buckled up.

No...

Barney was a member of a "special emphasis group" designed not to give warnings. He wrote 5 tickets. It took 12 minutes or so for him to do his duty.

The result?

Two brothers and their three passengers missed the burial ceremony.

Shirley Ross, wife of Donald, had this to say,""It's a stage in our life where you want to give your last respects and hear the final prayers and the closing of the ceremony. We missed that and it's something I'll remember for as long as I live. And I think it was just uncalled for."

Perhaps no one mentioned to Officer Barney that they were in a funeral procession? No, the first words out of( brother #2)Harold Ross' mouth were, "You pulled us out of a funeral procession."

And what does Barney's boss, Andy, have to say about this?

"We're out here trying to prevent funerals, not disrupt them."

Now you may say, well it IS against the law to drive without a seat belt. True. But, the last time we checked, our usage or non-usage of seat belts does not affect our ability to drive. We are also quite amazed that the fine people of this country allowed this law to pass, even with the understanding that folks could not be pulled over for only a seat belt violation. Of course, now all the little Barneys CAN pull you over for only a seat belt violation.

By the way- For those of you who live in states where rear passengers are not required to buckle up, that's about to change. Soon, the Feds will be telling the 30 some states that don't require it...to require it. Or else what? No federal funds for highways.

And the beat goes on.


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Autopsy Shows Cocaine Contributed To Billy Mays' Death


Raise your hand if this story surprises you...Anyone? Anyone?


An autopsy shows that cocaine use contributed to the death of boisterous TV pitchman Billy Mays, officials announced Friday.

The 50-year-old info-mercial king died of a heart attack in his sleep after going to bed at his Tampa condo the night of June 27. His wife found him unresponsive the next morning.


Read More At FoxNews


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How To Housebreak Your Dog In 7 Days-Dog Training Made Easy


We have something in common. We both have bad dogs. Well, not really bad...just spirited. My dogs have a mind of their own and it's my job (and yours) to draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not. Gently but firmly. I can't afford the dog whisperer (nor is my dog bad enough for that), so I had to find an affordable system to housebreak my dog at home.

Housebreaking isn't just teaching your dog to tell you when it has to go outside. It's teaching your dog acceptable behavior at all times.

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Speed Eating and Fat Loss: Diet Advice Your Mom Was Right About All Along

weight loss
Speed Eating and Fat Loss: Diet Advice Your Mom Was Right About All Along

By Tom Venuto, NSCA-CPT, CSCS
www.BurnTheFat.com

A new study just published in a recent issue of the journal Obesity has revealed that thin people eat very differently than heavy people at all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants.
Researcher Brian Wansink and his team from the Cornell University Food and Brand Laboratory observed diners at 11 different Chinese buffet restaurants across the United States.

Their goal was to find out whether the eating behaviors of people at all-you-can-eat buffets varied based on their body mass.

Trained observers recorded the height, weight, gender, age, and behavior of 213 patrons. The various seating, serving and eating behaviors were then compared across BMI levels.

The heavier (higher BMI) patrons:

ate more quickly
chewed more food per bite
used forks
sat facing the food buffet
The thin (lower BMI) patrons:


ate more slowly
chewed less food per bite
used chopsticks
sat facing away from the food buffet
This study confirms earlier research from the University of Rhode Island published in the journal of the American Dietetic Association which found that eating slowly leads to decreases in energy intake.

Scientists even have a name for this now:

"TIME-ENERGY DISPLACEMENT"

Time-Energy Displacement means that the more time you take to eat, the less energy (calories) you are likely to consume. The faster you eat, the more energy (calories) you’re likely to consume.

But wait, there’s even more! A study from the University of Alabama looked at satiety (how full a food makes you feel), energy density (calories per unit of volume) and eating time of various foods. To maximize the effects of Time-Energy Displacement, it was found even more advantageous to choose foods that FORCE you to ingest calories more slowly.

This includes choosing more:

Foods that have a high satiety factor such as high fiber and high water foods (so you feel fuller more quickly):



Peas
Red beans
Raspberries
Broccoli
Green beans
Chick Peas

Foods with a high “chew factor” (so you can’t eat them fast if you tried; you have to chew them thoroughly):



Lean meats such as top round, lean sirloin
Celery
Apples
Pears
Peaches
Foods with a low energy density such as salad vegetables and greens (so you’d get tired of eating before you took in a lot of calories):

Tomatoes
Artichoke
Cucumber
Salad Greens
Cabbage
Okra
These results also confirm all the studies that have been advising us not to drink our calories. Liquid calories, especially soft drinks and dessert coffees are two of the biggest sources of excess calories in the typical American’s diet.

The problem: calories in liquid form can have a very high caloric density and can be consumed very quickly. Liquid calories also do not activate the satiety mechanism in your brain and gastrointestinal tract the way solid food does.

"Don't inhale your food" used to be an admonishment about proper eating etiquette you heard from your mom. It is now scientifically-proven fat loss advice.

To learn more research-proven tips for burning fat, visit the “Burn The Fat” website at www.BurnTheFat.com

Train hard and expect success,

Tom Venuto
Fat Loss Coach
www.BurnTheFat.com



About the Author:

Tom Venuto is a natural bodybuilder, certified personal trainer and freelance fitness writer. Tom is the author of "Burn the Fat, Feed The Muscle,” which teaches you how to get lean without drugs or supplements using secrets of the world's best bodybuilders and fitness models. Learn how to get rid of stubborn fat and increase your metabolism by visiting: www.burnthefat.com

Is Twitter Down- Twitter Status


Is Twitter down? Ummm...yes. (As of 11:18 AM, Thursday, 8-6-09). According to reports and rumors there has been a denial of service attack.

And yes, Facebook is slow. Probably because everyone is going to Facebook to see what Twitter status is.

Whoa.

Take out Twitter, Facebook and Myspace and the world would fall apart.


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Arkansas Mother Sells Naming Rights Of Unborn Son On eBay

mom sells sons naming rights on ebay
What's in a name? For an expectant mom who's down on her luck, hopefully $25,000 or more.

An Arkansas woman is offering the opportunity to name her seventh child to the highest bidder, starting at $150. The unemployed mother of six has posted an auction on eBay in hopes that she will receive enough money to buy a "trustworthy" car and to relieve her sister's burden of supporting her cash-strapped family.

Read The Rest Of The Story On Fox News


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Big Ben Replica Made From 500 Hay Bales

What do farmers in England do in their spare time?

Apparently, they make replicas of Big Ben using 500 bales of hay to celebrate the
150th anniversary of the famous London landmark. By the way, the clock works.








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Psycho Donuts-Doughnut Shop in California Is Drawing Customers and Protests

psycho donuts
Now THIS is our kind of Donut Shop. We want to try the bipolar doughnut with half chocolate frosting and nuts...

Jordan Zweigoron had envisioned an "edgy" doughnut shop. But he had no idea his themed store in a strip mall in Campbell, Calif., would incite protests and TV broadcast debates about the mentally ill in America.

"The trouble started about two weeks in after opening," Zweigoron said. "A small handful of people took what we were doing very literally."

In Zweigoron's shop, Psycho Donuts, customers are handed bubble wrap to pop as they come through the door. Cashiers dress in old-fashioned nurses' outfits and patrons can get their picture taken in straight jackets near a mock padded room before they head out to sit in the "group therapy" area.


Read the rest of the story on ABC News.com

Here is the link to the Psycho Donuts Website



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53 Year Old Man Stalks Miley Cyrus

miley cyrus hannah montana
A 53-year-old man who told police he is secretly engaged to marry Miley Cyrus has been charged with attempting to stalk the teenage "Hannah Montana" star, who is filming a movie in the Savannah area.

Tybee Island Police Chief Jim Price said Wednesday that Mark McLeod, 53, of Appling was arrested after Walt Disney Pictures security officers reported he had returned to the beachside movie set Sunday after police warned him to stay away in June.

"He was asking for Miley and going up and knocking on some doors" of beach homes near the set, Price said. "The security guards recognized him. In fact, he went up to the security guards and asked them 'Is Miley around?"'

Read More On FoxNews.com


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George Sodini Website-The George Sodini Blog

george sodini

As some of you know by now, the man who walked into an LA Fitness Center in Pittsburgh and shot up the place, killing 3 (to date), had a blog. The George Sodini Website is, of course, being overun with traffic and is down.

Here are some quotes from the site:

One entry on his mother read: “A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.”

“Probably 99% of the people who know me well don’t even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a ‘nice guy’. Not kidding.”

Apparently he had an aborted attempt back in January. Here are two entries dealing with that:

“It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.”

“It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! . . . I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!”

Here is a 2008 entry: “Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). . . Over eighteen years ago.”

“I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne – yet 30 million women rejected me – over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. . . Thanks for nada, bitches! Bye.”

Here is the link to his website, if it ever comes back up. Could it be a fake? Possible...


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One Important Thing A Carjacker Should Be Able To Do

stupid criminals
A 23 year old Reno, Nevada man decided he needed a car, and carjacking seemed to be the best way to get it. So, on Monday, Kent Boedicker hung around the Borders Books parking lot looking for just the right victim.

He thought he had found her when he approached a 57 year old registered nurse in her 4 door Hyundai. She was just rolling the window down when Boedicker approached, and she later said he appeared pale, ill, and had cuts on his body. She asked Boedicker if he needed help...

Boedicker then opened her door, pulled a gun, and told her he was taking her car.

Score!!!

Well, not quite. Boedicker got in her car and...and....well he just couldn't.

You see, there was one important skill our master carjacker hadn't mastered yet:

He couldn't drive a stick shift.

So, the rest of the story is pretty much what you would expect. Boedicker was caught and remains in jail in lieu of $10,000 bail. Ms. Nurse has her car. The police determined the gun was a BB gun.

Alls well, that ends well.


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The Scoot Coupe

scoot coupe
Yes folks, here once again is the world famous Scoot Coupe! Built by Panther Motors, the Scoot Coupe is:

" the latest style of cool and power, providing everything you'd ever want in a scooter and more. Available now in 4 brilliant colors"!

Well sing us up, we want to be cool in 4 brilliant colors.

Here is the Scoot Coupe website


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Swine Flu Survival Kit-An H1N1 Virus Epidemic Survival Primer


Swine Flu Survival Kit-An H1N1 Virus Epidemic Survival Primer

Consumer Reports has issued instructions for a swine flu survival kit in the case of a serious swine flu epidemic in the near future. (like, this fall)

Like the deadly Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918, many expect the spring and summer to be just the beginning of a serious H1N1 Virus Epidemic starting late summer/early fall.

Here are instructions from consumer reports for your Swine Flu Survival Kit:

In case the second wave of swine flu is severe enough to warrant home confinement, consumers should pack an emergency kit in advance. You will need:

*A two-week supply of food and water.
*Fever reducers, such as acetaminophen, ibuprofen, or naproxen.
*Cough and cold medications containing chlorpheniramine, diphenhydramine, oxymetazoline, and pseudoephedrine and lozenges with dyclonine, glycerin, or honey can help ease symptoms.
*Electrolyte drinks, such as Gatorade or Powerade, to keep you hydrated.
*Hand sanitizer with at least 60 percent alcohol, such as Purell, to kill viruses when soap and water aren't available.
*Surgical masks with an FDA rating of at least N-95 to help prevent spreading the flu. Masks need to be replaced often and disposed of after use.


For all emergencies, Consumer Reports recommends packing at least three days worth of nonperishable food; at least one gallon of water per person, per day; a first-aid kit that includes any prescription or over-the-counter medications your family might need; as well as antihistamines for allergic reactions, pain relievers, stomach and antidiarrhea remedies, and antacids.

Let's be careful out there!


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Paula Abdul On Twitter: I Am Leaving American Idol

paula abdul american idol
Woe is us! Paula Abdul has announced via Twitter that she will not return to American Idol. Here is the text:

“With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to #IDOL. I’ll be miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day1 become an international phenomenon …

What I want to say most is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me. It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month. I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all.”


Wow. This is such a shocker, as rumors have run rampant on the www for only a few days now. This probably has nothing to do with the contract negotiations that have been going on between Paula Abdul and American Idol. Negotiations that have not come to fruition for Paula, ie. a fat daddy contract.

Our take on this?

Who cares. Ho Hum.


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The Human Dog Hybrid-Hybrids Gone Wild!

human dog hybrid
We here at Fileunderi LOVE urban legends, and here is one of the better ones to come down the pike in the last few months.

Presenting...

The Human Dog Hybrid

This little number is believed to be real by some...the apparent creation of mad scientists. Bwaaahahahaha!

Others believe the human dog hybrid to be a little photo magic and circulated around the internet to suck in those conspiracy types and others who are...shall we say...er...a few fries short of a happy meal.

The truth is, this photo is of a sculpture by Austrailian Patricia Piccinini.

And that, loyal readers, is all the truth you need to know about the human dog hybrid.


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Cash For Clunkers-The Feds Try Their Hand At Auto Incentives



Cash For Clunkers-The Feds Try Their Hand At Auto Incentives

From what we can tell, those that support the Cash For Clunkers, or CARS program, obviously have not checked the Federal Debt Total recently. If you are one of the supporters of this incentive, you have two major problems:


1. You know nothing about the automobile business. This program, like all new and "innovative" buying incentives, is doing nothing more than stealing future business. Once this program ends, and it will end, sales numbers will drop back down to 9 million annualized. Maybe less. Credit is still tight, and the economy is still bad. A few hundred thousand auto sales stolen from next year is not going to change that.

Another "outstanding benefit" from this program is that it disrupts the natural flow of an automobile's useful life. Where do you think these hundreds of thousands of clunkers would end up if they weren't destroyed? In the hands of those that are poor or lower middle class (what's left of them). The end result will be much higher prices in the "clunker market", and many of those who cannot afford anything but a vehicle near the end of it's life will not be able to own transportation.

2. You can't decide what this program is about, selling more cars or decreasing our dependence on foreign oil. If you want to decrease this dependency, you increase CAFE requirements. It doesn't cost the taxpayer anything. Of course, it doesn't buy votes either, does it?

Edmunds.com estimates that approximately 200,000 of these clunkers are traded in every quarter. Obviously, this number has been somewhat lower the last couple of quarters, but, new car sales have not stopped completely. Basically, the Feds (as new owners of a car company) decided to pay an incentive to folks to do something they would already be doing, or to do it a little sooner.

Good job!


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