Today is Chuck Norris Birthday. In honor of The Big Guy's 69th birthday, here are 20 Chuck Norris Facts:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. But never his own.
There is no such thing as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Read Chuck Norris' bio on Wiki HERE