Eight People and Things That Make Us Throw Up In Our Mouth A Little
In no particular order. Rated on a scale of 1-10...1 being that little ounce of bile that barely reaches your mouth and 10 being a whole mouthful of puke that forces you to find a place to dispose of it immediately. Feel free to add to the list via comments.
1. The woman on the Progressive Insurance Commercials. Who is this woman? She isn't funny and she has been beaten repeatedly with an ugly stick...We think she has a sex tape of her and the Progressive CEO. This equals instant job. We will never buy Progressive insurance. Never. 3 Ounces.
2. The guy at the sporting event wearing the Snuggy. Rule #114A in the Man Handbook: You don't cover yourself with a blanket at a sporting event. Ever. EVER. And you certainly don't WEAR a blanket. This struggling actor obviously needed a paycheck.
He will be forever ridiculed by his fellow man. Bad career move, dude. 2 Ounces.
3. The skank lady with her "husband" on the Extends commercials. Have you ever noticed the sly smile, the nervous laugh and the twinkle in her eye when she says "this could be fun"? This woman has done every guy in the neighborhood who she thinks is "bigger" than hubby. Take it to the bank. 4 Ounces.
4. Seth Rogen doing Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up. This would never happen in real life. Seth couldn't get enough GHB into Katherine to make this happen. 'Nuff said. 5 ounces
5. Iran. We are sure there are some really nice, level headed folks living in Iran. They must be tucked away in a rural area somewhere. This country has been dicking with us for thirty years now and we have yet to smack em' down. We walk softly, but where's the proverbial big stick? Bring out the big stick and let's see if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad still has that constant shit eating grin on his face. 4 Ounces.
6. The multitude of people who willingly sacrifice personal freedom for "security" and "safety". Your kind has always existed, but were thankfully a minority when pivotal events occurred in American history. Unfortunately, your voice has become stronger and our Government has translated this as a mandate to draft, pass and enforce all kinds of cool little "suck the life out of liberty" laws. 10 Ounces and a gang of Founding Fathers spinning in their graves.
7. North Dakota. Name one good thing about North Dakota. That's what we thought. If this state is taking money from the Feds we should just dispose of it. Maybe sell it to Canada. 1 Ounce.
8. Paris Hilton. Does anyone like this woman? Does she have any redeeming qualities? We think not. Okay, she will let her boyfriend tape her performing oral sex. But, that's about it. And the tape is sooooo yesterday. 10 Ounces.
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