Barack Obama is now CEO of General Motors and Chrysler

Barack Obama is now CEO of General Motors and Chrysler.

Barack Obama has taken over operations of General Motors and Chrysler Corporation and has issued ultimatums to both corporations...Do it my way or hit the highway.

GM CEO Rick Wagoner has "resigned" and is now the former CEO. Mr. Obama has installed a figurehead and told execs at GM to go back to the drawing board on their "viability plan". They have 60 days to comply. If, at that time, Lord Obama is not satisfied with the plan...he will "ALLOW" them to file for bankruptcy protection.

On the Chrysler front, the ultimatum from the all powerful Wizard of Washington is this: Merge with Fiat by April 30th.

An excerpt from Reuters:

"The president's plan for General Motors and Chrysler, announced yesterday, continues to get top billing in the press. Obama took a hard stance with the struggling automakers, giving GM 60 days to come up with a viable, not to mention drastic, restructuring plan, and Chrysler 30 days. If the companies fail to do this, he would allow them to file for bankruptcy. The New York Times reports that, as a result, the United Automobile Workers, which along with bondholders has thus far "balked" at the GM's demands, "will be asked to make even bigger concessions on a new wage and benefits contract and health benefits for retirees. Bondholders will most likely be forced to accept a deep discount on the price of their debt as well as agree to take GM stock in lieu of debt repayments." In addition, Chrysler must merge with Fiat by April 30, Obama said."

A revolution is taking place. The Constitution of The United States has been removed from a protective enclosure and placed in one of the White House storage closets. We have watched one President who seemingly had mastered the art of Abuse of Power go about his dismantling of The Constitution, and now watch another President who apparently wrote The Book on the subject trek further down the road than Bush would ever dare to travel.

We the People thought our loan (Yes, it was our money) to the automakers was just that...a loan. Now we discover that we are , in fact, the money folks in a Venture Capital firm and our CEO has taken over two of the companies that we are backing. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have any say in the day to day operations of AIG or the numerous financial firms that we "stimulated" to open up the credit markets and kick this "Economic Crisis" in the ass.

We are being duped on a scale that FDR could never imagine.

As we concern ourselves with the mundane and trivial, the power of the Federal Government grows in leaps and bounds.

Are you concerned?

You should be.

Meanwhile, in related news, executives at AIG could not be reached for comment concerning recent events with the automakers...the AIG execs were too busy laughing their collective asses off.

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More Pistachio Recall Info Salmonella Symptoms

Here is more information on the Pistachio Recall and Salmonella Symptoms:

You can contact the US Food & Drug Administration (FDA) by calling 1-888-INFO-FDA or visit the FDA Website...Here is the Link for specific information on the Pistachio Recall.

Salmonella Symptoms:

Most people experience diarrhea, abdominal cramps, and fever within 8 to 72 hours after the contaminated food was eaten. Additional symptoms may be chills, headache, nausea, and vomiting.

You should seek immediate medical attention.

Pistachio Recall !! Pistachio Nut Recall? What's Next?

Oh No! First, Peanut Butter and now a Pistachio Nut Recall? Word is that the Pistachio Recall could affect 31 states and the FDA is telling us not to eat Pistachio Nuts...but not to throw them away either until the company involved and the FDA decide what the extent of the contamination is. The culprit is, of course, our old friend salmonella.

Setton Farms (producer) has recalled about 1 million pounds of Pistachio Nuts and Krogers has pulled the nuts off the shelves in some states. Georgia Nut has recalled Kraft Back to Nature Nantucket Blend trail mix...

Read more on CBS News.com


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Man Beheads Sister On Her Birthday In Front Of Police

Now this is absolutely Insane:

Man Beheads Sister On Her Birthday In Front Of Police

A man on a rampage fatally stabbed his 17-year-old sister and decapitated his five-year-old sister during her birthday party. Police have no motive for the rampage of 23-year-old Kerby Revelus in a wealthy Boston suburb.

Five-year-old Bianca Revelus was killed as the cake for her birthday sat on the kitchen table and police were just arriving. Nine-year-old Sarafina had dialed 911 and watched police shoot her brother dead.

Their sister, 17-year-old Samantha Revelus was stabbed earlier and lay dead on the floor.

Sarafina Revelus was hospitalized on Sunday with defensive wounds to her hands and stab wounds in her abdomen and one of her legs, police said.

With Kerby Revelus dead, we may never know the "why", although there are reports that there was some sort of earlier altercation between Kerby and a neighbor.

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The Brassage Bra: Massage Your Breasts Just By Wearing It

From the "Damn! Don't they make men's underwear too?" File:

Hot today is the Brassage(TM)Bra, advertised as the bra that will massage your breasts just by wearing it.

According to the Brassage(TM) Website the purchase of one of these little numbers will do the following for you:

*Stimulate Lymphatic Flow Promoting Healthy Breast Tissue...prevents cancer?!?

*Comfort Cushions...sweet!

*Earth-Friendly (100% Cotton)...just like all our T-shirts!

*Has Letflow(r) Technology...whatever that means

Ladies, check out that website and get your breasts massaged!

Here it is again in case you missed it above: Brassage

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Top Chef Hottie Padma Lakshmi Swallows Hardee s Thickburger (Video)

Top Chef Hottie Padma Lakshmi is heating up the little screens and the internet with her new ad for Hardee s Western Bacon Thickburgers.

Who is Padma Lakshmi? Glad you asked...

38 Years old, Culinary expert and Cookbook author, former model, Host of Bravo's Reality Show "Top Chef", Ex wife of Salman Rushdie(author of The Satanic Verses) and an obvious lover of Hardee's Western Bacon Thickburgers.

Padma Lakshmi describes herself as "the first well known Indian model".

And now she is famous for the way she eats Thickburgers...




Video Source: YouTube User HardeesAds


Here is the link to The Padma Lakshmi Official Site

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Eight People and Things That Make Us Throw Up In Our Mouth A Little

Eight People and Things That Make Us Throw Up In Our Mouth A Little

In no particular order. Rated on a scale of 1-10...1 being that little ounce of bile that barely reaches your mouth and 10 being a whole mouthful of puke that forces you to find a place to dispose of it immediately. Feel free to add to the list via comments.

1. The woman on the Progressive Insurance Commercials. Who is this woman? She isn't funny and she has been beaten repeatedly with an ugly stick...We think she has a sex tape of her and the Progressive CEO. This equals instant job. We will never buy Progressive insurance. Never. 3 Ounces.

2. The guy at the sporting event wearing the Snuggy. Rule #114A in the Man Handbook: You don't cover yourself with a blanket at a sporting event. Ever. EVER. And you certainly don't WEAR a blanket. This struggling actor obviously needed a paycheck.
He will be forever ridiculed by his fellow man. Bad career move, dude. 2 Ounces.

3. The skank lady with her "husband" on the Extends commercials. Have you ever noticed the sly smile, the nervous laugh and the twinkle in her eye when she says "this could be fun"? This woman has done every guy in the neighborhood who she thinks is "bigger" than hubby. Take it to the bank. 4 Ounces.

4. Seth Rogen doing Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up. This would never happen in real life. Seth couldn't get enough GHB into Katherine to make this happen. 'Nuff said. 5 ounces

5. Iran. We are sure there are some really nice, level headed folks living in Iran. They must be tucked away in a rural area somewhere. This country has been dicking with us for thirty years now and we have yet to smack em' down. We walk softly, but where's the proverbial big stick? Bring out the big stick and let's see if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad still has that constant shit eating grin on his face. 4 Ounces.

6. The multitude of people who willingly sacrifice personal freedom for "security" and "safety". Your kind has always existed, but were thankfully a minority when pivotal events occurred in American history. Unfortunately, your voice has become stronger and our Government has translated this as a mandate to draft, pass and enforce all kinds of cool little "suck the life out of liberty" laws. 10 Ounces and a gang of Founding Fathers spinning in their graves.

7. North Dakota. Name one good thing about North Dakota. That's what we thought. If this state is taking money from the Feds we should just dispose of it. Maybe sell it to Canada. 1 Ounce.

8. Paris Hilton. Does anyone like this woman? Does she have any redeeming qualities? We think not. Okay, she will let her boyfriend tape her performing oral sex. But, that's about it. And the tape is sooooo yesterday. 10 Ounces.

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Woman Charged With Importing Bear Bile

From the "What? That's Illegal File?" File

A South Korean woman staying in L.A. has been charged with the illegal importation of Bear Bile. That's right...B-E-A-R B-I-L-E.

It seems that Bear Bile is popular and used for medicinal purposes and as an aphrodisiac in some Asian communities. The woman was in possession of 2 pounds of Bear Bile, and the feds estimated the street value (really? Bear Bile has a street value?) at somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. The woman told authorities she didn't realize it was illegal to import it and she had only planned to get 3-4 Thousand dollars for it. She stated she had planned to give it to church members that wanted it (Isn't that what all the Bear Bile Dealers say?). Apparently some of the church members wanted to pay for it, as authorities found measuring instruments, empty vials and the old smoking gun accounting book with dollar entry amounts written in Korean.

Bear Bile is harvested surgically inserting a tube into a living bear's gall bladder. It is considered a treatment for conjunctivitis, jaundice and hemorrhoids. And it is considered an aphrodisiac.

The U.S. Attorney involved in the case seems quite excited about the bust and had this to say, "We think this case is pretty significant given that she had almost a kilogram and she had all the packaging and measuring equipment. She could have distributed a large quantity to quite a few people."

Bear products cannot be imported without a permit because bears are protected under an international treaty and the Endangered Species Act.

And there you have it...another battle in the war on Bear Bile is won by the good guys.

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Two Companies In Legal Battle Over Fart iPod App

From the "We Have The Best Fart" File:

Air-O-Matic and InfoMedia are engaged in a heated legal battle over the phrase "Pull My Finger". Both companies have an iPod App that simulates fart noises.

Air-O-Matic, located in Florida, has the Pull My Finger App, which at one time was the second most popular App for the iPod. InfoMedia, located in Colorado, offers a selection of noises: Jack the Ripper, Brown Mosquito and Burrito Maximo (our personal fav).

Unfortunately, InfoMedia decided to use "Pull My Finger" in their advertising and Air-O-Matic sent a cease and desist letter. InfoMedia counters back that the phrase is common slang, and has been for quite some time.

This little fart dispute hasn't been settled yet, and we will keep you up to date if there are any new developments. We are rooting for InfoMedia, as we like their Apps better AND we have been saying "Pull Our Finger" for years.

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Brazilian President Blames Economic Crisis On White People With Blue Eyes

Speaking in Brasília, Brazil at a joint press conference with U.K. prime minister Gordon Brown, Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva blamed the global economic crisis on "white people with blue eyes".

The exact quote:

“This crisis was caused by the irrational behaviour of white people with blue eyes, who before the crisis appeared to know everything and now demonstrate that they know nothing. I do not know any black or indigenous bankers so I can only say [it is wrong] that this part of mankind which is victimized more than any other should pay for the crisis."

Gordon Brown's response?

“I’m not going to attribute blame to any individuals."

The Brazilian President also spoke out against protectionism:

“I compare protectionism to a drug. Why do people use drugs? Because they are in crisis and they think the drug will help them. But its effects pass quickly.”

While Mr. Brazil probably has a valid point, if taken literally, we are pretty sure that Americans and Europeans are not yet ready to take economic advice from a South American leader. Hell, we are quite sure that the entire continent has filed for bankruptcy protection at one time or another.

(Note from the realists on staff at Fileunderi: Brazil has one of the largest economies in the world and has seen steady growth for years. Many respected economists believe Brazil will not be greatly affected by the Global Economic Crisis. In other words? Mr. Brazil has a point.)

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Vatican Expecting 5 Million Condoms In The Mail

Vatican City will soon receive scores of condoms in the mail as part of a protest against Pope Benedict XVI, demonstration organizers say.

Vatican City is bracing itself for the delivery of possibly millions of condoms, the culmination of a protest against Pope Benedict XVI. Organizers of a group on Facebook say they have orchestrated a mass mailing of condoms to the Vatican. The mailing is planned for today. The condom mailing is in protest of Benedict's condemnation of condom use to try and stem the spread of AIDS in Africa. Pope "B" stated that condoms do not hinder the spread of AIDS, they make the problem worse.
He preached abstinence and no sex outside of marriage.

The Facebook group says they have 26,000 members slated to ship the condoms, but those who have been following the planned protest expect hundreds of thousands more to participate.

We at Fileunderi strongly recommend Magnums...not for what he has, but for what he is.

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School Headmaster Says No Vampires Here

The Headmaster of Boston Latin School, Lynne Moone Teta, has announced that there are no vampires on campus.The prestigious Boston Latin School, which was founded in 1625 and boasts students including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams and John Hancock, has been beset with rumors the last couple of days that vampires are roaming the halls.

On Wednesday, students emailed news organizations that:

*Three students at the school believe they are vampires

*One student was bitten

*The Boston Police Department was called in

*A student was arrested (for vampiring?) and a student was suspended

Boston Police acknowledge that they were called in, but only to quell student's fears.

We at Fileunderi are quite sure that the release of Twilight on DVD has absolutely nothing to do with this. Right? Twilight, if you aren't familiar with the story, centers on the romance between a vampire and non-vampire who are...high school students. It only sold 13 million copies the FIRST DAY of release.

All you kids can go gaga over Twilight...we'll stick with The Lost Boys. Thanks.

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Joanna Krupa Inspired By The Pope: Thank You Pope!

Joanna Krupa, the World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model (according to Playboy or Maxim, depending on who you believe), has said Pope John Paul is her inspiration for swimsuit modeling and posing partially nude.

Joanna, a Polish-American beauty who moved to the U.S. at age 5, has said (paraphrased), "the Pope said the human body is beautiful and made by God".

We at Fileunderi are not quite sure the Pope meant this to be an inspiration for her modeling...but, sometimes, miscommunication is a good thing.

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Ambulance Fail: Video Of The Day

Ambulance Fail

Because a day without a video from Failblog is a day without evil laughter:



Source:YouTube user Failblog

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Man Pays Traffic Ticket With Urine Soaked Coins

Man Pays Traffic Ticket With Urine Soaked Coins:

A Washington (state) man found a novel way to express his displeasure over a $206 traffic ticket...he mailed a plastic bag filled with coins and urine to a county billing office.

Believe it or not, the man didn't break any postal laws by mailing the combination of urine and change. Postal officials say it is legal to mail urine or other bodily fluids as long as they are packaged properly and in a way that doesn't leak or smell. County employees said the package was wrapped tightly until it reached the courthouse mail room and didn't smell until it was opened.

Sgt. Phil Anderchchuk of the Multnomah County Sheriff's office had this to say, "That's something I can't wrap my mind around. The thought process of acting consciously -- consummating the act of urinating in a box full of coins that someone is going to receive."

Unfortunately for the man, there is one thing he didn't think of:

The policy of the court is to only accept up to $20 in change, so court workers returned his money...

Postage Due.

The man now owes $271, including late fees.


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Sean Penn Jim Carrey Benicio Del Toro In The Three Stooges?

Rumors and confirmations swirling about a working The Three Stooges movie:

A rep for MGM has confirmed with Access Hollywood that Sean Penn will star as Larry Fine. Fresh off his Oscar win for his work in Milk, Sean has recently wrapped production on the drama "The Tree of Life," alongside Brad Pitt. Can he match his Jeff Spicoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)? We'll see...

According to the same rep, Jim Carrey is in talks to play Curly (who else could play Curly?) and producers are looking at Benicio del Toro to play Moe.


The film will be directed by The Farrelly Brothers and should start shooting this fall.Pitched as "a The Three Stooges film set in the present day," the film will tell how the legendary comedic trio got together.

We can't wait...



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Gift For New Babies: $22,000 In Debt

Welcome to the world, Jada -- you owe $22,000.

And it's not gonna get better.

That figure -- about the price of a new Camaro -- represents the share of the public debt carried by anybody born in the United States today, according to the fiscal watchdog group The Concord Coalition.

Take Jada Grace Larsen. She was born Sunday at New Jersey's Hackensack Medical Center.

"I'm nervous for her and her future and what she's being born into," mother Jeanmarie Larsen, 37, told FOXNews.com Wednesday.

READ MORE at Fox News


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Jennifer Aniston Named Sexiest Woman By Details Magazine

Jennifer Aniston has been named Sexiest Woman in a recent reader poll put on by Details magazine. Details is a men's magazine (duh) that obviously caters to those men in our population that are vision impaired. Hey, Jennifer Aniston is great and all...but the sexiest woman????

Jennifer freaking Aniston??

Let's look at the top 5, shall we??



JENNIFER ANISTON

This is the girl next door. Sexy? Yes. Sexiest? Please...Angelina on her period with a terrible head cold and no make up has her beat by a mile. Just ask Brad.





MEGAN FOX

Here's the first lady on the list that beats Jennifer. Yeah, we know, strange girl and all...and a little trashy. But, this isn't a personality popularity contest, it's a sexiest woman contest. This one isn't even close.





GISELE BUNDCHEN

Y'all pissed that she married Tom Brady? Don't be. He is Tom Brady, after all. As far as sweet girls go, maybe Jennifer tops Gisele. Sexiest? No No No and No. We didn't even use the nude shot on the white horse to prove our point. Don't have to.





FREIDA PINTO

Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire? NO? Then you haven't a clue who this is. This is the first on the list that Jennifer beats. Top 5 for Freida? Not even Top 20 folks.
By the way, Freida is a strong candidate for the old Hollywood name change trick. Pinto just doesn't get it.





KIM KARDASHIAN

That's right. Kim Kardashian. At #5. This pick could be the smoking gun that points to the nominees paying off Details magazine or the readers themselves...hell, Kim has done just about all the B through D list stars by now, might as well start working on the common man. Can you not name 100 Celebs that are sexier? We can. Who is this woman? Proof that a sex tape can get you far in this world. Look for the new Fileunderi sex tape...coming soon to a website near you.


Disagree? Let us know...


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When Morons Attempt Arson On A Windy Night

From the "Damn! I didn't know the wind could do that!" File:

Things got out of hand at a Bithlo, Florida trailer park Tuesday. 51 year old Craig Aylesworth was having a dispute with his neighbor and he was mighty pissed. What to do...what to do...

And then...Eureka! A grand scheme hit him. Craig decided to throw a Molotov cocktail at the trailer of the object of his wrath.

So far, so good.

One problem though. It was windy. Real windy.

Unfortunately for Mr. Aylesworth, the flames carried over to HIS trailer. And then more flames carried over. And Mr. Aylesworth's trailer was burned to the ground. And then the "several vehicles" parked around his trailer met the same fate.

According to CFNews13, fire crews were able to stop the fire from spreading to a nearby wooded area.

Mr. Aylesworth is now facing arson charges and possession of a destructive device. Charges of Extreme Stupidity are pending.

Image Source: CFNews13

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Customer Shoots Would Be Robber At Miami Burger King

Just another day at Burger King...

A would be robber entered a Miami Burger King around 4 PM Tuesday wearing a ski mask. He approached a clerk, showed his gun and demanded money.

Unfortunately for Mr. Robber, a male customer saw what was taking place and started arguing with the masked man. Mr. Customer had a gun. And a Concealed Weapons Permit.

Gunfire was exchanged.

Mr. Robber hit the ground and died. Mr. Customer has serious wounds and is in a Miami area hospital.

No one else was hurt in the shooting. According to employees, this particular Burger King is usually very busy at that time of day. Although it is not stated how many people were inside when all this went down, police say they broke the customers "up into groups" to get their version of the story. So, apparently, it was fairly busy.

As of now, no charges have been filed.

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Woman's Mummified Body Found Fused To Bed

Let's move on from beautiful 48 year old ladies to a 96 year old woman's corpse that was left on a bed for over 6 years.

In Sebastian, Florida 61 Year Old Penelope Jordan has been charged with fraud and grand theft after authorities found the body of her mother mummified and fused to her bed. It seems that Penelope, loving daughter that she is, has been cashing mom's social security checks for the last 6 years or so. Wow...there's a story we have never heard before.

Authorities also found numerous cats, a house not fit to live in and an open sewer in the back yard. Apparently, neighbors have been complaining about the cats, house and the smell for years...

Read More Here

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Valerie Bertinelli: Taking Weight Loss One Day At A Time

Today is "40 Something Women Who Still Look Great Day" at Fileunderi. We will start with Valerie Bertinelli, who had lost 40 some pounds when she posed for the January Issue of Fitness, and 50 pounds for the People cover below. Weight loss aside, it amazes us that this 48 year old woman on the Fitness cover looks so much like the young lady we watched on One Day At A Time.

Valerie had this to say to Fitness:

"My decision to lose weight was about me- how I wanted to feel inside. I had to do this for myself... You have to give yourself time. It doesn't happen overnight. I started this journey in March 2007. It's got to be a long-term commitment."

And on people' perception that it's easier for celebs to lose weight and stay fit with the resources and money available to them...

"Well, truthfully, most celebrities do. Look, I understand the cynicism that we have all these people working for us, doing everything we need done. But that's not the case for me. I cook, I run my own errands. No one can do my workouts for me."

You're looking great Valerie...





Fitness Magazine

People

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Times Are Tough: Woman Steals New Breasts

From the "Thanks For The Mammaries" File:

A California woman is on the run after using a fraudulent identity to pay for liposuction and a breast implants exchange. Apparently, the first set of implants weren't good enough.

Yvonne Pampellonne is accused of opening a line of credit using another person's identity and then having the procedures done. It became apparent to those at Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery that something was amiss when Yvonne didn't show up for any follow up appointments.

She is charged with commercial burglary, grand theft and identity theft.

The loss is set at $12,000. Must be some nice..er..implants.

Yvonne and her breasts are still missing.

Pyscho Shower Scene Dirty Version

The Psycho Shower Scene-Dirty Version. Just Watch:






And here is a creative use of the Cool Hand Luke Car Wash Scene:



Video Source: YouTube user GOOD Magazine

GOOD - a platform for people who want to do well by doing good. We engage and challenge the people, ideas and institutions driving change in the world.

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